Well, it's been a little while since I've written last. I guess you could say I've taken a sabbatical - done a little "soul searching". I've been going through some more difficult times, but trusting that the God who has seen me through SO much will see me through all this junk.
Today was extremely disheartening because one of the classes I needed in order to get my certification was cancelled. I didn't find this out until I had waited for about thirty minutes for my instructor to show...and she didn't. There was one other student waiting with me and she finally checked her registration info to find out our class had been cancelled. Talk about frustrating. This has such a trickle down effect. You might think - Just take another class, or wait until it comes back around. The frustrating part is, I have to have two classes in order to qualify for my financial aid. So if I don't get another class, I have to either drop the one class I started last week OR I'll have to pay out of pocket - which really is not an option for me. I came home and immediately started looking for another class, which brings me to my next issue. I can't find anything that is conducive to my work schedule and if by chance I did, they're all closed by now.
SO...after bawling my eyes out on the way home, I decided to expose every raw emotion I had to my Heavenly Daddy. I love that He is not intimidated or threatened by my cries of frustration. He can handle me bawling, squalling, and blaming.
My pastor preached an awesome sermon (as usual) last Sunday about a woman whose son had died and left her with no one to take care of her. She was already a widow. He pointed out that Jesus walked a whole days journey just to heal her son. He went out of his way to do this because He cared. I'm also reminded of the time that Jesus went to heal the demon-possessed man that lived in the grave yard. Again...he went just for him. It's not like he was going to spend time in the grave yard, himself. These are two stories that show the compassion of our Jesus and how much he cares for us. You see, I'd always figured these stores happened on his way to somewhere important. But I'm seeing that these were places out of the way, places he intentionally went because he had a Divine appointment with these people. And I'm reminded that He cares about these details that seem to shake my plans. He isn't caught off guard and He knows what He's doing.
One phrase I try to live by is extremely simple to say, but hard to implement. But it's something that I strive to think fluently. And it is: I can't. God can. I think I'll let Him.
So when I can't figure out what my plans for school are, God can...I think I'll let him. When I struggle with letting people around me make stupid, selfish, or down right wrong decisions, I have to remember: I can't fix things for any of them. God can. I think I'll let Him. When I see other friends and family hurting financially and experiencing terrifying situations...I can't fix things...God can, though. I think I'll let Him.
The truth is He's been doing this a LONG time...He knows what He's doing. And I just have to trust that He's capable of taking care of EVERY detail of life. After all, I can't, God can...I think I'll let Him.