I wrote a few blogs back about how the Lord is bringing more and more women into my life who have been mercilessly hurt and wounded by infidelity. Even today I had a dear friend confess to finding out her husband has been unfaithul, and my heart broke all over again. It's easy to feel as if you're losing your mind. It truly is. And so I have decided to offer up some words of encouragement and hopefully some nuggets of wisdom that I learned or that someone spoke to me when I was dealing with my own pain. I want to pass these along.
1) Reserve the right to not make a decision.
When you first find out that the one person in your life you're supposed to trust has just crushed all your faith, your mind starts spinning. What do I do now??? How do I process this? And one of my dear friends encouraged me to make no major decision for six months. Wow. That seems to be a very long time. I remember thining at the time "That's a great idea". But when my husband asked if we could work things out a week later, that thought went right out the window. I jumped at the thought that he wanted to work out this issue with me. But the truth is, time told the real truth. I should have taken time to see if his actions matched his words because I believe that when a man is suddenly exposed and realizes his wife knows his secret, there's a moment of relief. But then it's followed with "What have I done? I can lose everything." And reality steps in and causes this man to freak out and get scared. In my case, I believe my spouse did exactly that. He thought he lost his girfriend and didn't want to lose his family, and at the same time didn't truly think I'd take him back. But when I DID...well, you can't now turn around after begging to work it out and say "Sorry, just kidding. I want out again." So my words to you would be, give yourself time to make a decision based on actions and truth - not words or fear.
2) Set aside two thirty minute increments to grieve. Okay, hold on until you hear me out. When you are in the first stages of this grief process, your mind is going a hundred miles an hour. Your whole world has proven to be one you had no idea existed. You're shaken to your core. And it's easy to allow your thoughts to run away with you. Thoughts like, "When did this happen? Where did they go? What did they exactly do and how did they do it?" All of a sudden you want to know everything...even though you really don't. My wonderful counselor likened it to a dog wagging a tail. You want to be able to control your thoughts, not your thoughts control you. Don't let that tail wag the dog. So what I was encouraged to do was allow myself two 30 minute increments so when I was at work or driving the kids around town and one of those useless thoughts would enter my brain, I'd say, "Nope. Not going to think about this until 7:30." And then at 7:30 I'd go into my bathroom -away from the kids - and weep. I'd allow myself to think all those horrible thoughts and get them out. And when 8:00 rolled around, I'd suck it up, wash my face and go on with my evening. Now, it doesn't have to be just like that for you - you decide for yourself the time and the exact increment, but do it because it helps you keep your sanity.
3) I've recommended this book to so many people, and unfortunately it's out of print for the moment - BUT I've spoken to the writer's "people" and they assure me it will be in print again. In the meantime, a local bookstore MIGHT still have one on the shelf, or you can order used ones off of Amazon or ebay. It's Donald Harvey's "When the one you love wants to leave". That book helped me keep my head on straight during that time. It is POWERFUL. Donald Harvey discusses the fact that a man is either pushed out, pulled out, or put out and he gives priceless information on how a wife should respond and keep her sanity and dignity at the same time. A MUST read!
4) Find a support group. Whether it be Divorce Care, Grief, Codependency, Celebrate Recovery...whatever, just make sure it's a group that's real. I have found the most real people you'll ever encounter are involved in some sort of 12 step program. I had read Denise Jackson's book "It's all about Him" and how she found a small group of women who quickly surrounded her and supported her. I remember praying for a group like that and 10 months later, I found it - not even realizing it at the time. It was a codependency group (that I still remain a part of). Listen, I personally believe everyone has some form of codependency, but the people in 12 step Codependency groups aren't weak weird-o's, they're just people who want to do something about their life. Stop harmful patterns. It's unfortunate that when you deal with a hurt like infidelity, or really any "shunned" issue of the church, that we have to be so concerned with rejection from the one place that should be safe. But so many women already experience rejection and shame from the one person who's supposed to love them the most, and they just can't risk being shunned by the church. What's even more unfortunate is there are so many "christians" who don't know how to deal with people in this situation - OR the person who was cheating - so they do nothing. Or they turn away. So find some sort of support group to walk this path with you.
5) Find a counselor who can help you put your thoughts together and give you some direction. Some churches offer free counceling or discounted programs based on income. Take advantage of that. It will be the best investment you can make. But I would encourage HIGHLY that you find a Christian counselor. Psalm 1 talks about getting ungodly counsel...Use wisdom and see someone who understands the need for God's ultimate healing.
6) Finally, and most importantly, turn to the One who created your heart. Someone else might have broken it, but He's the manufacturer and knows how to put it together again, to where it will beat perfectly the way He created it to beat. And don't forget that none of this caught Him off gaurd. It all had to go by His desk before he signed off on it. I choose to look at it this way. He must have had a whole lot of faith in me to know He could allow this to happen and know that I'd turn to Him. And if it brings me closer to Him...it's worth it. Don't go through this for nothing.
This might be some of the darkest moments in your life, but don't let it defeat you. There is hope, freedom, sanity and joy ahead of you. "Weeping only lasts for the night, but Joy comes in the morning". You're just one day closer to your healing. God bless!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
History's first single mom
This past week presented me with a situation that I knew one day I would have to face, but didn't expect it to be this soon. I won't go into details on what it was, but write about what God showed me through it.
I have been spending the past year and a half working on getting healthy and learning how to set boundaries. (Speaking of boundaries...funny note...I asked my fellow codependent coworker to join me in seeing 'Boundary Hunter' not realizing the movie is actually called 'Bounty Hunter'. Shows how much I'm working on boundaries). When this situation came up, it was time for me to put into practice what I've been learning all this time. I knew I couldn't dodge the bullet forever. And on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I got a seven or eight. But anyway....
The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, I started battling thoughts that I'd dealt with a long time ago. I found myself relaying back to an old pattern of thinking that involved fear, confusion, and questioning. I started to get in a little panic. Then I started asking the Lord questions, "Was I wrong? Did I handle this situation poorly?" And I started to get so anxious about it that I started even questioning my experiences with Jesus. "Did I really hear you recently? Am I on the right track? Are you even hearing me?" And all of a sudden I started questioning His goodness.
It was then that He broke through the silence. "Remember Eve and the serpent? She questioned my goodness, too."
And then He calmed all my fears.
I say this as one who can speak from much experience. When things get difficult and we are caught off guard with the way our lives unfold, it's easy to question God's goodness in it. It's an age old temptation, beginning with the Father of Lies. The enemy is not creative. He uses the same old tactics that he's used for centuries. He's good at what he does. But it's important for us to remember that even through the heartache and pain, God indeed sees and cares. He's working behind the scenes on our behalf.
Today in Sunday School, the lesson was a continuation of the story of Abraham and Sarah. To make a very long story short, Abe and Sarah couldn't have children so they decided to take matters into their own hands and have Abe sleep with the servant Hagar. Well, as you can imagine that only made matters worse. There's a whole lot of preachin' that could be done from that story, but I'm going to skip ahead to when Sarah finally has a child of her own. Now Hagar's son, who Sarah raised as her own, begins to mock Isaac (born to Sarah and Abe). So Sarah has enough and tells Abraham to send Hagar and the son away. And he does. He sends this woman and their son into the desert with very little supplies. Then the Lord showed me something. Here is the first picture we see in the Bible of a single mom. She's sent away...into the desert...to fend for her and her son. She was deserted. Alone. Hopeless. She's been in this situation before, a few chapters back and God had her return. Not this time, though. So here she is again, with a son to provide for. When the water she was carrying ran out, she sat down and sobbed, telling God she can't bear to watch her son die. Then God opened her eyes and provided a well of water for her to drink from. And we don't know what else He provided, but she survived and thrived.
I sat next do a dear lady in class this morning. She's going through a tough time like so many women who have found themselves alone, deserted, scared and unprovided for. And I reminded her through this story that our God has a heart for single moms. For women who have been abandoned and left to fend for themselves. His heart beats for all, but I believe He truly hurts for women in these situations. And it's in these times that we will be tempted to despair and question His goodness. His character. But remember, He never changes. He is the same God that saw Hagar and provided for her, and He will do the same for you.
So this week, when the enemy rears his ugly head, cling tighter to Jesus. Dive into His word and refresh your memory with the truth that God sees you and has an awesome plan for your life. He can provide a well in the desert and turn your sorrow into joy. And not only will you survive...but you'll thrive.
I have been spending the past year and a half working on getting healthy and learning how to set boundaries. (Speaking of boundaries...funny note...I asked my fellow codependent coworker to join me in seeing 'Boundary Hunter' not realizing the movie is actually called 'Bounty Hunter'. Shows how much I'm working on boundaries). When this situation came up, it was time for me to put into practice what I've been learning all this time. I knew I couldn't dodge the bullet forever. And on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I got a seven or eight. But anyway....
The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, I started battling thoughts that I'd dealt with a long time ago. I found myself relaying back to an old pattern of thinking that involved fear, confusion, and questioning. I started to get in a little panic. Then I started asking the Lord questions, "Was I wrong? Did I handle this situation poorly?" And I started to get so anxious about it that I started even questioning my experiences with Jesus. "Did I really hear you recently? Am I on the right track? Are you even hearing me?" And all of a sudden I started questioning His goodness.
It was then that He broke through the silence. "Remember Eve and the serpent? She questioned my goodness, too."
And then He calmed all my fears.
I say this as one who can speak from much experience. When things get difficult and we are caught off guard with the way our lives unfold, it's easy to question God's goodness in it. It's an age old temptation, beginning with the Father of Lies. The enemy is not creative. He uses the same old tactics that he's used for centuries. He's good at what he does. But it's important for us to remember that even through the heartache and pain, God indeed sees and cares. He's working behind the scenes on our behalf.
Today in Sunday School, the lesson was a continuation of the story of Abraham and Sarah. To make a very long story short, Abe and Sarah couldn't have children so they decided to take matters into their own hands and have Abe sleep with the servant Hagar. Well, as you can imagine that only made matters worse. There's a whole lot of preachin' that could be done from that story, but I'm going to skip ahead to when Sarah finally has a child of her own. Now Hagar's son, who Sarah raised as her own, begins to mock Isaac (born to Sarah and Abe). So Sarah has enough and tells Abraham to send Hagar and the son away. And he does. He sends this woman and their son into the desert with very little supplies. Then the Lord showed me something. Here is the first picture we see in the Bible of a single mom. She's sent away...into the desert...to fend for her and her son. She was deserted. Alone. Hopeless. She's been in this situation before, a few chapters back and God had her return. Not this time, though. So here she is again, with a son to provide for. When the water she was carrying ran out, she sat down and sobbed, telling God she can't bear to watch her son die. Then God opened her eyes and provided a well of water for her to drink from. And we don't know what else He provided, but she survived and thrived.
I sat next do a dear lady in class this morning. She's going through a tough time like so many women who have found themselves alone, deserted, scared and unprovided for. And I reminded her through this story that our God has a heart for single moms. For women who have been abandoned and left to fend for themselves. His heart beats for all, but I believe He truly hurts for women in these situations. And it's in these times that we will be tempted to despair and question His goodness. His character. But remember, He never changes. He is the same God that saw Hagar and provided for her, and He will do the same for you.
So this week, when the enemy rears his ugly head, cling tighter to Jesus. Dive into His word and refresh your memory with the truth that God sees you and has an awesome plan for your life. He can provide a well in the desert and turn your sorrow into joy. And not only will you survive...but you'll thrive.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
My last post was about my date night with Jesus. There's a part "B" to that whole experience. I had mentioned purchasing the incredible book by Frances Chan entitled "Crazy Love". Well, the next morning I remembered where I had placed a long lost CD (Toby Mac - great CD, by the way). So I put it in my CD player and continued to get ready for work. All of a sudden a song that I've listened to many, many times came on and stopped me in my tracks. Some of the words are:
Wake up to the morning sun
thank the Lord for the
things He's done
lift your eyes up to the
hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you
Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah
Chorus
And the stars are up there
shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away
Chorus: So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through
Did you see those words? "Crazy Love". And it went right along with what the Lord was showing me the night before. He is SO good.
So as I was driving to work, I was thinking about the night before and how we dealt with some issues. And I also reminded myself that it will be the enemies way to try to get me sucked back into wrong thinking...to get caught up and not take time to truly experience Christ's love for me and who I am in Him. So I said to the Lord, "Yesterday is a date, April 15th 2010, that I can put down in my spiritual history book that you and I dealt with this issue. We did serious business and I am not going to allow the enemy to steal my victory. April 15th...interesting. For many people that's doom day with taxes." And before I could barely get my thought completed, He spoke to me loud and clear. This is what He said:
"Kristi, this is no coincidence. You have been paying taxes for years on what I paid in full."
AAAAAA!!!!! Oh...my...goodness. He’s so right! How many of us don’t accept His full price for what He did? It’s like we know he paid the price, but what’s the hidden fee? The tax still owed? It's easy to think "I have to do this, and say that and don’t do that and keep busy working, working, working". But He paid it! It’s like that note card that says I am justified through what HE did…NOTHING I can do! And because of that reality…my focus shifts. I don’t “do” to pay some kind of hidden fee or tax, but out of complete love and surrender.
The heavenlies are shifting for me. It's a new day. And His love is...crazy.
Wake up to the morning sun
thank the Lord for the
things He's done
lift your eyes up to the
hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you
Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah
Chorus
And the stars are up there
shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away
Chorus: So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through
Did you see those words? "Crazy Love". And it went right along with what the Lord was showing me the night before. He is SO good.
So as I was driving to work, I was thinking about the night before and how we dealt with some issues. And I also reminded myself that it will be the enemies way to try to get me sucked back into wrong thinking...to get caught up and not take time to truly experience Christ's love for me and who I am in Him. So I said to the Lord, "Yesterday is a date, April 15th 2010, that I can put down in my spiritual history book that you and I dealt with this issue. We did serious business and I am not going to allow the enemy to steal my victory. April 15th...interesting. For many people that's doom day with taxes." And before I could barely get my thought completed, He spoke to me loud and clear. This is what He said:
"Kristi, this is no coincidence. You have been paying taxes for years on what I paid in full."
AAAAAA!!!!! Oh...my...goodness. He’s so right! How many of us don’t accept His full price for what He did? It’s like we know he paid the price, but what’s the hidden fee? The tax still owed? It's easy to think "I have to do this, and say that and don’t do that and keep busy working, working, working". But He paid it! It’s like that note card that says I am justified through what HE did…NOTHING I can do! And because of that reality…my focus shifts. I don’t “do” to pay some kind of hidden fee or tax, but out of complete love and surrender.
The heavenlies are shifting for me. It's a new day. And His love is...crazy.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Date night with Jesus
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I mentioned a few days ago that I would blog about my date night with Jesus and how he took me to greater depths. Well this is an email I sent to my dear friend, Natalie, about my night. I thought it was easier to copy this then try to remember all the details - because I don't want to leave anything out.
Wow! What an evening. At first I questioned if I should share what my night was like - should I keep it close and not tell you or anyone else? But I sensed my wonderful Creator say, "If you went on a life changing date with the love of your life, would you keep silent about it? No, you'd be calling every one of your friends to tell them about it." So that's why I'm emailing you.
After our lunch, I kept asking over and over, "Lord, what do you want to do tonight?" And it started to get panicky, like...Okay...what are we going to do??? Hmmm???" And I was putting so much pressure on Him to show me or tell me what to do...Again. And what He told me was, "I want you to go home and take a nap." Okay. Now I know that probably sounds more like ME, but I know it was Him.(Cause I was ready to "do"). It was a tender, loving, "I want to take care of you and deal with some things and we can't deal until you're rested." So I laid down and napped for almost two hours. There were a few times during that two hour span that I would wake and say, "Is it time to wake up?" And He would respond, "No, not yet. Rest a little longer". When the time came to wake up, He said, "Let's go watch the sun set." "O...kay....where?" "Just get in your car and let's drive." He took me to Sonic to get my favorite drink...peach tea. We went to the library park and I sat there, drinking my peach tea and being impatient. Okay, God...what now? It was that awkward kind of waiting where I'm just like tapping my fingers and He's just looking at me like, It's okay. Silence is good. (Silence for me has been frustrating).
He finally said, "Okay. Let's go." "Where?" "Just drive".
We drove and I ended up at Lifeway. At first I questioned, again if this was Him or me. Shouldn't I go home and dive into the Word? Shouldn't I go home and clean or do something productive? Oh, me. But we headed to Lifeway, me sipping my tea, listening to love songs on the radio. It was such a sweet drive. I began to feel like I was on a date with the Creator of the Universe. And it was great.
When I walked into Lifway, this book JUMPED out at me. It's entitled "Crazy Love" and in smaller print it read: Overwhelmed by a relentless God. Are you screaming yet?? I picked it up...sifted through the pages and knew this was a Divine appointment for me. So I got it. I also found a book entitled "Because He loves me"...and I got a few more. I splurged. When I left I got in my car and said, "Okay Lord, I'm doing this because I want to spend more time with you. I want to understand how much you love me...but I don't. Why?" And then the tears came. I barely got out of the parking lot and I practically wept all the way home. That deep, throat clenching, raw, cry out to God with everything you've got weeping. Natalie, it was in those moments that He spoke to me, "Now we're getting somewhere." And I told Him I don't know why I run from love. I don't know why, but I'm ready to stop. I'm ready to yeild to His love. The fact is, love has never been comfortable for me.
I really didn't want to go home yet, but He said, "I'm going with you, so it really doesn't matter - we're still on our date"
When I got home, I started in on this book, Crazy Love by Frances Chan. Oh...My...Goodness. What an awesome book. I love the layout of it, too. It coincides with a website. In the first chapter it said to view this video at www.crazylovebook.com . It's the "Awe Factor" video. Nat, if you get a chance, you HAVE to see it. After I saw it (3 minutes) I again, wept. How could the God of this unbelievable universe love me? But tonight, on my date night with the Creator of the universe, He showed me His love. My night has been priceless. I want more of this.
I'm so excited. This is a new chapter. A new book, actually. Of experiencing His love for me. And receiving it. By the way...I left out a huge part of my evening. When I was sitting in the parking lot at the library and was going through my, "What am I supposed to do?" moments, I looked at my rearview mirror and hanging from it was a notecard that I had recieved just last night and placed on my mirror. It's four lies vs four truths about beliefs. They are from my codpendency class and the first one I read, the only one I read because that's when God started dealing with me, was "I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself" and the truth is "I am deeply loved by God and justified, not by what I have done, but by Christ's finished work on the Cross". And on the way back from Lifeway, I dealt with that...recognized it as sin, whether known or unknown, repented of it, recieved his forgiveness and have spent the rest of the evening replacing it with truth. Something broke. Something in me broke. It's the starting point.
I mentioned a few days ago that I would blog about my date night with Jesus and how he took me to greater depths. Well this is an email I sent to my dear friend, Natalie, about my night. I thought it was easier to copy this then try to remember all the details - because I don't want to leave anything out.
Wow! What an evening. At first I questioned if I should share what my night was like - should I keep it close and not tell you or anyone else? But I sensed my wonderful Creator say, "If you went on a life changing date with the love of your life, would you keep silent about it? No, you'd be calling every one of your friends to tell them about it." So that's why I'm emailing you.
After our lunch, I kept asking over and over, "Lord, what do you want to do tonight?" And it started to get panicky, like...Okay...what are we going to do??? Hmmm???" And I was putting so much pressure on Him to show me or tell me what to do...Again. And what He told me was, "I want you to go home and take a nap." Okay. Now I know that probably sounds more like ME, but I know it was Him.(Cause I was ready to "do"). It was a tender, loving, "I want to take care of you and deal with some things and we can't deal until you're rested." So I laid down and napped for almost two hours. There were a few times during that two hour span that I would wake and say, "Is it time to wake up?" And He would respond, "No, not yet. Rest a little longer". When the time came to wake up, He said, "Let's go watch the sun set." "O...kay....where?" "Just get in your car and let's drive." He took me to Sonic to get my favorite drink...peach tea. We went to the library park and I sat there, drinking my peach tea and being impatient. Okay, God...what now? It was that awkward kind of waiting where I'm just like tapping my fingers and He's just looking at me like, It's okay. Silence is good. (Silence for me has been frustrating).
He finally said, "Okay. Let's go." "Where?" "Just drive".
We drove and I ended up at Lifeway. At first I questioned, again if this was Him or me. Shouldn't I go home and dive into the Word? Shouldn't I go home and clean or do something productive? Oh, me. But we headed to Lifeway, me sipping my tea, listening to love songs on the radio. It was such a sweet drive. I began to feel like I was on a date with the Creator of the Universe. And it was great.
When I walked into Lifway, this book JUMPED out at me. It's entitled "Crazy Love" and in smaller print it read: Overwhelmed by a relentless God. Are you screaming yet?? I picked it up...sifted through the pages and knew this was a Divine appointment for me. So I got it. I also found a book entitled "Because He loves me"...and I got a few more. I splurged. When I left I got in my car and said, "Okay Lord, I'm doing this because I want to spend more time with you. I want to understand how much you love me...but I don't. Why?" And then the tears came. I barely got out of the parking lot and I practically wept all the way home. That deep, throat clenching, raw, cry out to God with everything you've got weeping. Natalie, it was in those moments that He spoke to me, "Now we're getting somewhere." And I told Him I don't know why I run from love. I don't know why, but I'm ready to stop. I'm ready to yeild to His love. The fact is, love has never been comfortable for me.
I really didn't want to go home yet, but He said, "I'm going with you, so it really doesn't matter - we're still on our date"
When I got home, I started in on this book, Crazy Love by Frances Chan. Oh...My...Goodness. What an awesome book. I love the layout of it, too. It coincides with a website. In the first chapter it said to view this video at www.crazylovebook.com . It's the "Awe Factor" video. Nat, if you get a chance, you HAVE to see it. After I saw it (3 minutes) I again, wept. How could the God of this unbelievable universe love me? But tonight, on my date night with the Creator of the universe, He showed me His love. My night has been priceless. I want more of this.
I'm so excited. This is a new chapter. A new book, actually. Of experiencing His love for me. And receiving it. By the way...I left out a huge part of my evening. When I was sitting in the parking lot at the library and was going through my, "What am I supposed to do?" moments, I looked at my rearview mirror and hanging from it was a notecard that I had recieved just last night and placed on my mirror. It's four lies vs four truths about beliefs. They are from my codpendency class and the first one I read, the only one I read because that's when God started dealing with me, was "I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself" and the truth is "I am deeply loved by God and justified, not by what I have done, but by Christ's finished work on the Cross". And on the way back from Lifeway, I dealt with that...recognized it as sin, whether known or unknown, repented of it, recieved his forgiveness and have spent the rest of the evening replacing it with truth. Something broke. Something in me broke. It's the starting point.
Monday, April 19, 2010
One of the greatest stories told beginning in childhood, is the story of Joseph. Remember Joseph and the beautiful colored coat? Joe is the one who was dearly loved by his father and didn't have a problem parading around in front of his smelly, ornery, filthy, hotheaded brothers. Not real bright. And of course you probably know that story didn't go so well for Joseph. As a matter of fact, it went real bad, real fast. In Genesis 37-43 we see the whole story of Joseph. All the way from painful tears to tears of joy. But an interesting thing happens right smack dab in the middle of this story. It's one that not many of us are familiar with. Not exactly one we want our kids coming home talking about.
"What did you learn in Sunday School today?"
"We learned about Tamar sleeping with her brother-in-law and his sperm being spilt and then her acting like a prostitute and...and getting pregnant by her father-in-law."
"You learned WHAT?!?!"
We'd probably go home and wash our kids mouth, ears, eyes, and anything else out with soap.
But interestingly enough that story is right there in the midst of this archaic tale of one of the greatest leaders recorded in the Christian church. And I couldn't help but wonder...why?
You see, the first time I read this story, I had just learned my husband had given his love and devotion to another woman. Talk about hurt, humiliation, rejection and pain, not to mention fear of what would happen to my family. And as I was staying with a precious friend of mine for a few days just to get away and grieve, the Lord brought me to this part of scripture. And this dreadful, disturbing,...weird story spoke volumes to my soul. You see, this lady, Tamar...she felt everything I felt...and then some. She felt the hurt of, number one being married to a hellion...let's face it, this man was no saint. The Lord took him OUT! That's how horrible he was. Can you even imagine? Then she had to sleep with the brother-in-law and he cheated her out of the one thing she needed in order to be held in good standing with society. A child. He used her. And then he died. How humiliating on several different levels. THEN if that's not bad enough, she keeps getting rejected...and rejected...and rejected. She knew her father-in-law, Judah, was just blowing smoke. He had no intentions of letting his younger son sleep with her and take a risk of being killed - at this point she also had a reputation of men dying once they've slept with her. Things definitly weren't looking up. Then she's got the fear of how the rest of her life will be. No one wanted her. She was alone. BUT GOD...what a great phrase. It turns everything around. BUT God...He saw her. He saw all the wrong done to her. He didn't forget her. And he blessed her with a child. He redeemed ALL her pain, rejection and insecurities. But there's more to this story. It doesn't end here.
Fast forward to the end of the book of Ruth. Remember HER story?? She was part of the deal when Boaz bought the property from Naomi. He took Ruth and became her husband. Well...look down at chapter 4:11-12. After Boaz announces that he is taking Ruth as his wife "the elders and all those at the gate said, 'We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you have standing in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. Through the offspring the Lord gives you by this young woman, may your family be like that of Perez, whom TAMAR bore to JUDAH."
Did you get that??? TAMAR...to JUDAH. These are the same two that we just discussed. The two that had such a weird, disturbing, yucky story. These are the two that are being used now in this story as a compliment! They were a blessing! AND the even better part is this. Verses 18-22 tell of the family line of Perez. Perez begat Hezron who begat Ram who begat..........Obed the father of Jesse and Jesse the father of DAVID. Remember who is in the lineage of David?? Our very own Saviour!! Jesus!!! Do you see the redemption here??? Our Jesus, our saviour...he came from this stinking story of hurt, rejection, pain, humiliation and fear. BUT GOD changed it around and brought us salvation. ONLY HE CAN DO THAT.
So if you're struggling with much of the same feelings that Tamar felt, don't lose sight of the fact that Our Redeemer sees, He cares and He wants to make beauty from your pain. What the enemy meant for evil...Our God can trump it and cause it to bring blessing. It may not seem like it now, and it might be after many long days, weeks, months, even years. But if you let God be God, and deal with all the "stuff", He can and will make your life something beautiful.
"What did you learn in Sunday School today?"
"We learned about Tamar sleeping with her brother-in-law and his sperm being spilt and then her acting like a prostitute and...and getting pregnant by her father-in-law."
"You learned WHAT?!?!"
We'd probably go home and wash our kids mouth, ears, eyes, and anything else out with soap.
But interestingly enough that story is right there in the midst of this archaic tale of one of the greatest leaders recorded in the Christian church. And I couldn't help but wonder...why?
You see, the first time I read this story, I had just learned my husband had given his love and devotion to another woman. Talk about hurt, humiliation, rejection and pain, not to mention fear of what would happen to my family. And as I was staying with a precious friend of mine for a few days just to get away and grieve, the Lord brought me to this part of scripture. And this dreadful, disturbing,...weird story spoke volumes to my soul. You see, this lady, Tamar...she felt everything I felt...and then some. She felt the hurt of, number one being married to a hellion...let's face it, this man was no saint. The Lord took him OUT! That's how horrible he was. Can you even imagine? Then she had to sleep with the brother-in-law and he cheated her out of the one thing she needed in order to be held in good standing with society. A child. He used her. And then he died. How humiliating on several different levels. THEN if that's not bad enough, she keeps getting rejected...and rejected...and rejected. She knew her father-in-law, Judah, was just blowing smoke. He had no intentions of letting his younger son sleep with her and take a risk of being killed - at this point she also had a reputation of men dying once they've slept with her. Things definitly weren't looking up. Then she's got the fear of how the rest of her life will be. No one wanted her. She was alone. BUT GOD...what a great phrase. It turns everything around. BUT God...He saw her. He saw all the wrong done to her. He didn't forget her. And he blessed her with a child. He redeemed ALL her pain, rejection and insecurities. But there's more to this story. It doesn't end here.
Fast forward to the end of the book of Ruth. Remember HER story?? She was part of the deal when Boaz bought the property from Naomi. He took Ruth and became her husband. Well...look down at chapter 4:11-12. After Boaz announces that he is taking Ruth as his wife "the elders and all those at the gate said, 'We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you have standing in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. Through the offspring the Lord gives you by this young woman, may your family be like that of Perez, whom TAMAR bore to JUDAH."
Did you get that??? TAMAR...to JUDAH. These are the same two that we just discussed. The two that had such a weird, disturbing, yucky story. These are the two that are being used now in this story as a compliment! They were a blessing! AND the even better part is this. Verses 18-22 tell of the family line of Perez. Perez begat Hezron who begat Ram who begat..........Obed the father of Jesse and Jesse the father of DAVID. Remember who is in the lineage of David?? Our very own Saviour!! Jesus!!! Do you see the redemption here??? Our Jesus, our saviour...he came from this stinking story of hurt, rejection, pain, humiliation and fear. BUT GOD changed it around and brought us salvation. ONLY HE CAN DO THAT.
So if you're struggling with much of the same feelings that Tamar felt, don't lose sight of the fact that Our Redeemer sees, He cares and He wants to make beauty from your pain. What the enemy meant for evil...Our God can trump it and cause it to bring blessing. It may not seem like it now, and it might be after many long days, weeks, months, even years. But if you let God be God, and deal with all the "stuff", He can and will make your life something beautiful.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
His Love for Me
Once in a while I am blessed to get to sit down with my dear friend and mentor, Natalie, for lunch. Now when Natalie and I get together, we don't just have a meal...we have a life changing meeting that averages three hours. The longest we've met has been five. And I am usually exhausted, to say the least. I liken this to the scene in the movie "Jerry McGuire" when Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character remarks about a certain sports interviewer always making grown men cry. And at the end of the movie when he's made it big, he's sitting opposite the interviewer, with big tears in his eyes saying, "I told you I wasn't going to cry..." Well, that's how it is with Nat. When I spend time with her, I inevitably end up crying, sometimes tears gushing out of me. And this past week was no different. I sat there thinking, "I'm not going to cry in this mexican restaraunt. I'm not going to." But here came the tears. And it was good.
One of the things that has been a constant issue that shows up when she and I get to discussing is the phrase "orphan spirit". For years and years I have carried around an orphan spirit, and didn't even realize it. I didn't even know what it was or how it was manifested in my life. But God knew and He's been wanting to deal with it for quite some time. An orphan spirit says things like "It's too good to be true." Or "Well, I believe that for YOU, but not for me. My life doesn't work out that way." or "I believe God loves me because the Bible says so, but I don't feel like I truly understand that not only does He love me, but He is PLEASED with me." I'm just being real here. So as Natalie and I conversed and I told her ALL the things that I'm doing now and am involved in, she said to me "What are you running from? Why are you running?" And I had to verbalize what I've been afraid to say for so long. I don't want to stop long enough to DEAL with the fact that I struggle with His love for me. If I keep busy enough, doing, doing, doing for HIM, than we don't have do get around to my issues. Even that evening I was supposed to be somewhere that would be considered a "godly activity". But little did I know that I had a divine appointment set up that night. Natalie looked at me and said, "You don't need to go to that tonight. You need Daddy time." And she was so right. I left her that afternoon and for the next several hours I encountered the God of the Universe...and His love for me. It's rather lengthy, but I plan on writing about it the next few days. All I have to say now, is that I am so grateful for His unending, humbling, awesome love for me and that even when I'm not perfect, He is madly in love with me.
One of the things that has been a constant issue that shows up when she and I get to discussing is the phrase "orphan spirit". For years and years I have carried around an orphan spirit, and didn't even realize it. I didn't even know what it was or how it was manifested in my life. But God knew and He's been wanting to deal with it for quite some time. An orphan spirit says things like "It's too good to be true." Or "Well, I believe that for YOU, but not for me. My life doesn't work out that way." or "I believe God loves me because the Bible says so, but I don't feel like I truly understand that not only does He love me, but He is PLEASED with me." I'm just being real here. So as Natalie and I conversed and I told her ALL the things that I'm doing now and am involved in, she said to me "What are you running from? Why are you running?" And I had to verbalize what I've been afraid to say for so long. I don't want to stop long enough to DEAL with the fact that I struggle with His love for me. If I keep busy enough, doing, doing, doing for HIM, than we don't have do get around to my issues. Even that evening I was supposed to be somewhere that would be considered a "godly activity". But little did I know that I had a divine appointment set up that night. Natalie looked at me and said, "You don't need to go to that tonight. You need Daddy time." And she was so right. I left her that afternoon and for the next several hours I encountered the God of the Universe...and His love for me. It's rather lengthy, but I plan on writing about it the next few days. All I have to say now, is that I am so grateful for His unending, humbling, awesome love for me and that even when I'm not perfect, He is madly in love with me.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
It amazes me that so many people search in anticipation to see what their horoscope says. What wonderful tidbit of information can be gleaned to let me know what my future holds? It's so fun, exciting, mysterious, and...ridiculous. Why is it that we are the ones that make the choices for our lives, the roads we will travel, but we'd rather let someone who doesn't know a thing ABOUT us decide what is best FOR us? When in all actuality that same person probably wants someone to tell him or her the same thing about themselves?
I know a lot of people "pretend" to say it's just for fun, but you can't tell me there's not a fraction of a part of them that hopes they will indeed meet the love of their life while dropping off laundry at the cleaners even though they never get their clothes professionally cleaned. There is something instilled in each one of us that simply wants to know we will be okay when it's all said and done. We want to find love and be happy. And we want someone to verify that one day it will indeed happen. But I just ask that the next time you look to see what "Virgo" says, consider the source. Either, one, it's someone who sits at a desk all day dreaming up great ideas for your life, or two, it's someone who genuinely can see something of the future...something that even Jesus says not to worry about. Which again, I say, consider the source.
Oh, and one more thing - if there WERE some truth to horoscopes, than we wuold be holding on, letting go, saying goodbye, saying hello, quitting a job, starting a career, becoming wealthy, finding true love AND having children all in the same month. Makes me more tired than I already am. I'd rather leave the unknown to the One who knows it all.
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
I know a lot of people "pretend" to say it's just for fun, but you can't tell me there's not a fraction of a part of them that hopes they will indeed meet the love of their life while dropping off laundry at the cleaners even though they never get their clothes professionally cleaned. There is something instilled in each one of us that simply wants to know we will be okay when it's all said and done. We want to find love and be happy. And we want someone to verify that one day it will indeed happen. But I just ask that the next time you look to see what "Virgo" says, consider the source. Either, one, it's someone who sits at a desk all day dreaming up great ideas for your life, or two, it's someone who genuinely can see something of the future...something that even Jesus says not to worry about. Which again, I say, consider the source.
Oh, and one more thing - if there WERE some truth to horoscopes, than we wuold be holding on, letting go, saying goodbye, saying hello, quitting a job, starting a career, becoming wealthy, finding true love AND having children all in the same month. Makes me more tired than I already am. I'd rather leave the unknown to the One who knows it all.
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Persecution - fun, huh?
I have had such a fantastic weekend. Done so many great and exciting things. I am truly loving my life. Are there still difficulties? You bet. But for the most part, my life is so good. But it wasn't too long ago that I was wondering if there was ever going to be a better day. Were things ever going to turn around in my favor?
Recently the Lord has been bringing more and more women into my life who are hurting. They are experiencing the hurt, pain, rejection and sorrow that I have felt in the past few years. It is not by chance that our lives have crossed. Each one has been a divine appointment. So for those of you who just happen to check my blogs and haven't experienced the pain of seperation or divorce, please be patient while I go back down my journey and share some of my personal journal entries that I wrote during these extremely dark times. There are women out there who I will be referring to this blog, and if you know anyone who can benefit from it, please pass the info along.
For those of you who are in the middle for the fight for your life, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and possibly physically, please know that your Father loves you, He SEES, and He is working on YOUR behalf. Don't give up. I hope these passages, although rough, raw and real, will minister to you during this difficult time.
April 6, 2007
I don't think I ever really thought about it before. Persecution. At least not in the form I now know. I always belieed persecution would rise from the hatred felt over in a communist country. And don't get me wrong, that of course, is persecution. But I never realized persecution could come in many different ways. The enemy is not set on one way only. He uses several - some of which come directly from the ones who are supposed to love us most.
We hurt each other so fiercly, not giving thought to the fact that this is indeed warfare. We oftne times attack the ones closest and dearest to us, not knowing it is killing them. It's all a result of selfishness - what "I" want. And we feel so certain and so sure that our minds and motives are pure, giving us the permission to cause suicidal murder. We kill others as we kill ourselves.
When will we learn the way of the Father? When will we follow after Christ, letting Him lead, direct and guide? We can't do it on our own. When we try, we make a mess of things - which brings us back to persecution. I would have never believed the things to shake my faith and cause me to falter, would be done to me in the name of love.
Recently the Lord has been bringing more and more women into my life who are hurting. They are experiencing the hurt, pain, rejection and sorrow that I have felt in the past few years. It is not by chance that our lives have crossed. Each one has been a divine appointment. So for those of you who just happen to check my blogs and haven't experienced the pain of seperation or divorce, please be patient while I go back down my journey and share some of my personal journal entries that I wrote during these extremely dark times. There are women out there who I will be referring to this blog, and if you know anyone who can benefit from it, please pass the info along.
For those of you who are in the middle for the fight for your life, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and possibly physically, please know that your Father loves you, He SEES, and He is working on YOUR behalf. Don't give up. I hope these passages, although rough, raw and real, will minister to you during this difficult time.
April 6, 2007
I don't think I ever really thought about it before. Persecution. At least not in the form I now know. I always belieed persecution would rise from the hatred felt over in a communist country. And don't get me wrong, that of course, is persecution. But I never realized persecution could come in many different ways. The enemy is not set on one way only. He uses several - some of which come directly from the ones who are supposed to love us most.
We hurt each other so fiercly, not giving thought to the fact that this is indeed warfare. We oftne times attack the ones closest and dearest to us, not knowing it is killing them. It's all a result of selfishness - what "I" want. And we feel so certain and so sure that our minds and motives are pure, giving us the permission to cause suicidal murder. We kill others as we kill ourselves.
When will we learn the way of the Father? When will we follow after Christ, letting Him lead, direct and guide? We can't do it on our own. When we try, we make a mess of things - which brings us back to persecution. I would have never believed the things to shake my faith and cause me to falter, would be done to me in the name of love.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Tea for 189
Tonight was the kick-off for our women's ministry at church. We had a tea party with sweet little treats like cheesecake cubes, brownies with carmel on top and lemon bars. Girly food. And we decorated with black, high lighted with bright colors like lime green, hot pink, orange and turqoise blue. It was so pretty! We informed the ladies of our church about all the upcoming events we will be hosting, including bible studies, retreats, and craft nights. I was asked to make a little speech on the God's Girls class that I attend and to inform the ladies about it. Usually, I would have been nervous, but I was having way too much fun tonight for nerves to set in. It was great. To see something that has been planned for two months come together and go off with a bang is...well there's not much like it. It's so rewarding. This morning I wasn't sure how rewarding the day was going to be because it began with me taking my third Psychology test out of four for the semester. My first two tests I got A's on, so I put so much pressure on myself to get another A, in spight of the fact that I had this tea to be involved in, work, kids, Dancing with the Stars, and church. I finally had to come to the realization that I just need to pass this class. I don't need an A.
I still studied, but tried to balance my hectic lifestyle in the meantime. I had been spending more time on this Psychology class than I was on my major - sign language. So when I drove to the library to take my test, I was resolved to just passing - not expecting an A. I took the test. Now a days, when you take a test, you find out immediately what you get (or at least in this class). You don't have to wait an agonizing week or two until you find out your grade. So when I hit "submit", I was incredibly shocked and pleased to see that I made...an A! Yeah!
It made me wonder...how many times do we look at our relationship with Christ as just wanting to pass? We don't want to put the time or energy into getting an "A", but would rather "just get by". And then I thought tonight about what it feels like to get an "A" in doing things you love, things that you know Christ meant for you to do. I'm finding more and more that there is nothing like being in the center of God's will. It's the greatest, most fulfilling thing in the world. Tonight, being with all those women, laughing, talking, caring...it was like getting that great grade. It's so much more that just getting by. It's excelling. And there's nothing like it in the world!
I still studied, but tried to balance my hectic lifestyle in the meantime. I had been spending more time on this Psychology class than I was on my major - sign language. So when I drove to the library to take my test, I was resolved to just passing - not expecting an A. I took the test. Now a days, when you take a test, you find out immediately what you get (or at least in this class). You don't have to wait an agonizing week or two until you find out your grade. So when I hit "submit", I was incredibly shocked and pleased to see that I made...an A! Yeah!
It made me wonder...how many times do we look at our relationship with Christ as just wanting to pass? We don't want to put the time or energy into getting an "A", but would rather "just get by". And then I thought tonight about what it feels like to get an "A" in doing things you love, things that you know Christ meant for you to do. I'm finding more and more that there is nothing like being in the center of God's will. It's the greatest, most fulfilling thing in the world. Tonight, being with all those women, laughing, talking, caring...it was like getting that great grade. It's so much more that just getting by. It's excelling. And there's nothing like it in the world!
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