Life has been moving very quickly recently, and at times I've really had to hang on or I would lose my focus. I finished a challenging, yet rewarding summer class in Art Appreciation, which included me making a sculpting out of soap. It was a pretty intense class due to the fact that approximately five months were crammed into two, but I'm happy to say not only did I survive (which was the ultimate goal), but I thrived and took home an "A". God is SO good! Since then, I've really been trying to learn about balance. Balance between church, work, kids, boyfriend, and any social life. At the same time, life still continues on with everyday "stuff". Recently, there have been a lot of questions in my life like "How?" "When?" and "Where?" He's already answered the "Who?" (Thank you, Jesus). And many times I've found myself walking a fine line between pleading with God and telling Him what to do. Ever been there? So one day, as I got in my car for lunch, I said to Daddy, "So, here we go again..." and I began to dive into my list of issues. Then, in His ever so quiet, yet BOLD way, He spoke to my spirit and said, "Kristi, I am your Manager." Huh? And he said, "What does a manager do?" I immediately thought of a singer's manager, like a famous country artist...The manager sets the dates, makes the appointments, speaks on behalf of and plans every detail of the tour. All the artist does is show up. He said to me, "Everything you're concerned and worried about is MY job. I am your Manager. All you have to do is show up." Wow! There's freedom in that!
Then again this evening, while I was doing my hair, I started in - again. Because that's what I tend to do...dwell, think and try to figure out. And the Lord, once again, reminded me that it's not my place to figure out all my concerns. At that moment I began to say outloud..."Thank you, Lord, that you've taken care of everything and "I" don't have to worry about it!" The awesome thing is, if I am seeking the Lord's will in EVERY area of my life, I don't have to figure, plead, wonder or question what is going to happen or how things will occur, because HE wants His will for my life even more than I do! So I get to sit directly at His feet and watch as all He has in store for my life unfolds and falls into place. After all, He's the Manager of it all and knows how to run things MUCH better than I do. Thank you, Jesus!

Smiling again

It's been a while since I've last written and SO much has transpired in my life. I've worked at VBS, gone on a middle school church retreat and met the man of my dreams...all in a matter of weeks. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be glowing, ecstatic, and giddy beyond belief...I would have seriously doubted you. But what the enemy meant for evil, God meant for good.
I know many of you are still in the "cellar" wondering if you'll ever get out. Questioning if life will ever be good again - maybe for the first time for some of you. And I'm hear to shout a resounding "YES!" Life is hard, but God is faithful. He's got a plan for each one of us, and when we yield to HIS ways, he does indeed bless us. My reward came in the form of a Latin teaching, choir singing, singles leading, God seeking champion. I never dreamed God would have someone like this man out there - especially for me. I could believe it for someone else, but not necessarily for me. And the Lord called me on that a few months ago. We discussed that very issue - not accepting that God has good in store for me. As we conversed about this I asked my Daddy, "Why? Why do I struggle believing you have a perfect person for me out there?" And do you know what His answer was? "So you'll settle for what the enemy has planned for you." Talk about being stunned. It hit me hard. Jesus exposed the lie of the enemy and I finally started believing that He has a plan that includes not only good things, but the BEST. WOW! We SO underestimate our beautiful Creator! He must look down and shake His head, thinking, "Are we dealing with this AGAIN??" I'm so grateful for His patience with me.
So as I sit here writing this, I just want to extedn hope to my sweet female friends who are fighting the same battle of the mind, questioning God's goodness. We need to remind ourselves daily of how good He truly is. When we question His goodness, it's easy to fall into the lack of faith frame of thinking, and then the devil can wreak havoc in our lives.
I am a different person than I was four years ago, and I thank God for this journey, because although it's been so much tougher than I would have ever imagined it to be, I am a new creation. I'm happy, excited, at peace and...smiling again. Thank you, Daddy!!

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when the Lord fell all over you? This weekend has been that way for me. God has done some AMAZING things in my life this weekend. Things that only HE can do. I have been so full of Him, watching as He moves...and I am overwhelmed. Can I just say something? Daddy is up to something. And if we as believers don't plug in on it, we're going to miss it. The harvest is ripe.
Our world has experienced so much chaos recently. Just this year ALONE in our country we have seen devastation all around us through weather. UNUSUAL weather. Daddy is speaking. He's trying to get through to a "people" to let them know time is short. There are so many people all around us, every day, that are searching for someTHING to fill the void in their lives. And as Christ followers, we have the answer but we often act like we're still searching, too. It's time for the church to stand and be the church. Last week in VBS we were discussing what would have happened to Paul had his nephew not warned him of pending doom. The churchy answer was, he would have been killed. I don't necessarily believe that. I believe that God would have done a God thing and saved Paul, but the nephew would have missed out on an opportunity of a lifetime to unite with the Creator of the Universe in a miraculous story. And I believe it's the same for us. God is going to do what God wants in our surroundings, but it will be our loss as believers if we let the opportunities slip by.
So I challenge you today to search out what God is telling you. Be aware of His constant presence. Know that the King of Kings wants to involve you in History making. The signs are all around us - who will go?

I can't let this day get by without blogging about my precious Heavenly Daddy tonight. Tonight I'm so enamored by how wonderful He is. I was sitting on the back deck looking out over my yard and seeing little flashes of light everywhere and it struck me...Who but Daddy would even THINK about creating a bug that lights up? I mean seriously...and I'm so grateful that he didn't make them dangerous or painful bugs like bees or wasps because then we'd constantly be in a state of fear all around us in the evenings. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks like this, but...He made me this way. And then there's the whole issue of "How does he make those bugs light up?" I mean it's not like electricity is connected to them or they have a built in battery. I'm just so amazed at how creative He is.
Today was such a beautiful day, physically and spiritually. To be able to stand with other believers and worship our Daddy is such an honor and a privilege. He truly takes my breath away.
So whether you have a physical Daddy here or not, remeber today that your Heavenly Daddy is so in love with you. Just enjoy Him this week for who He is.
Happy Father's Day!!

Another Unnamed Hero

I posted a blog yesterday about Vacation Bible School and our theme being heroes without a name. As I was thinking about this coming Sunday, I jumped right back to the theme and had to write about the one Hero in my life who has never changed. My dad.
Some of my fondest memories are traveling with him to see family friends, Lenny and Joy. Dad would take one of us kids on certain outings once in a while and each one of us felt so special when it was our turn. Another time was when our families (Lenny and Joy - again) went to "Worlds of Fun" in Kansas...and Dad and I rode on that big, huge barrel thing that spins, and spins and then the bottom drops out. Know what I mean? I thought I was going to be sucked down and dad grabbed my arm as we held on for dear life. Then there was the Christmas when we had tons of people over and it had snowed outside, and dad was helping me with this really big kids clock - teaching me how to tell time.
But most of my greatest memories were after we moved to Nashville. In the sixth grade I began walking to church with dad on Sunday mornings. We had some great times traveling Pennington Bend. It was early, but it was worth it. And throughout the week, I could drop by and visit at the church office at any moment. One moment was when two boys in my class at school died in a house fire during the night - and I grieved for them. Dad just sat with me and listened and advised, being tender and sensitive.
Then there were the years when I was married...had kids...and finally the divorce. A lot of years went by there. Some laughing hysterically, and others weeping. One time when my spoouse was demanding a divorce and had moved out, my air condition unit had leaked. I couldn't figure out at the time, where it was coming from. Dad came by and found it. It had leaked all over my box of most precious treasures, like years of old pictures, journals, and momentos. At that time I just couldn't take anymore - he and mom started laying out HUNDREDS of pictures all over the house while I wept uncontrollably. Praise God all was salvaged, except just a few. That was rough but even then, I knew I could count on him for anything. And that still applies today.
God has blessed me with the most wonderful dad in the world. He's been my tickler, teacher, worship leader, hand holder, driver, cheerleader, encourager, listener, advisor, handyman, gardener, mentor, and friend. He's always been the same in front of people or at home. And he's been a physical picture of what my Heavenly Daddy looks like.
So for Father's Day and every other day of the year, I just wanted to let everyone know what a true Hero looks like. He might not go down in history books or have lots of acalades. He might not have a Super Hero name, or wear a cape. But to me he's the greatest Dad in the world. I am blessed.

So, summer is officially here...well, I guess not OFFICIALLY officially, but it FEELS like summer. When it's getting up to 94 degrees out - it's summer. We just finished a week at VBS, Hero Headquarters. I was at our new campus, Stewarts Creek, this year (I've always been at the main campus) and so it was a new experience. As usual, we had our typical over zealous kids in each group, but for the most part it was pretty good. The whole week was geared toward unnamed heroes in the Bible...the boy who brought the fish and loaves, the girl that told Naaman about the prophet who could heal him, and today's lesson was about Paul and his nephew.
As one of my closest friends and I discussed just this week...if anyone in Christian history had a right to complain it would have been Paul. He was put in jail, shipwrecked, beaten, bitten by a snake...and those are the stories that were written about in the Bible. Who knows what else he endured? But we don't see him complaining or giving up.
I'm going to be real here. Recently I've found it difficult to write because I've been complaining. Don't get me wrong, it's been a "holy" complaint - if you will, but nonetheless it's been complaining. I've been struggling with decisions made by friends that I felt saw eye to eye with me on HUGE, serious, spiritual issues. I thought we were compatible and in agreement completely. But we're not. And that really stinks.
A few weeks ago I had to confront my friend - hopefully I did it in love - about some sin issues. It wasn't received the way I had hoped, with complete acceptance as truth. And I've talked about this and talked about this with my Daddy, wanting to know WHY my dear friend is being deceived. And I realized how He must feel.
If every true believer would get angry and hostile toward the enemy who is trying to steal, kill, and destroy...this world would be turned around. But too often we're busy flirting with the enemy. We'd rather blame God for the things the enemy does in our lives than to see the devil for what he really is - a deceiver. A rotten, ugly, vicious, hateful, destroying, malicious, horrific deceiver.
When are we all going to begin to fight back? Fight for marriages and family? For purity and innocence? For what's RIGHT according to the Word of God...and seeing it as right, not as an "option" for christian living? I seriously believe some of the greatest weapons of mass destruction in believer's lives are apathy and lethargy.
There is darkness all around us, and it shows itself in the form of smiling faces that are fighting holiness. If we're called to be a peculiar people, which we ARE, than our lives should show it in the everyday decisions we come against. We have the power of the Living God at our disposal, but we often times forget that, or simply don't believe it. But it's the TRUTH. Paul knew that. And that's what kept him going, not giving up. He was sold out.
So I'm going to try to complain less and pray more, believing that the seed is planted and that the Great Gardener will produce fruit. I'm going to try to remember that there is an enemy out there knowing he has little time left to do much destruction. And I'm going to continue to fight for truth and spiritual freedom in lives all around me.
Maybe the kids weren't the only ones that learned something from Hero Headquarters this week.

Well, it's been a little while since I've written last. I guess you could say I've taken a sabbatical - done a little "soul searching". I've been going through some more difficult times, but trusting that the God who has seen me through SO much will see me through all this junk.
Today was extremely disheartening because one of the classes I needed in order to get my certification was cancelled. I didn't find this out until I had waited for about thirty minutes for my instructor to show...and she didn't. There was one other student waiting with me and she finally checked her registration info to find out our class had been cancelled. Talk about frustrating. This has such a trickle down effect. You might think - Just take another class, or wait until it comes back around. The frustrating part is, I have to have two classes in order to qualify for my financial aid. So if I don't get another class, I have to either drop the one class I started last week OR I'll have to pay out of pocket - which really is not an option for me. I came home and immediately started looking for another class, which brings me to my next issue. I can't find anything that is conducive to my work schedule and if by chance I did, they're all closed by now.
SO...after bawling my eyes out on the way home, I decided to expose every raw emotion I had to my Heavenly Daddy. I love that He is not intimidated or threatened by my cries of frustration. He can handle me bawling, squalling, and blaming.
My pastor preached an awesome sermon (as usual) last Sunday about a woman whose son had died and left her with no one to take care of her. She was already a widow. He pointed out that Jesus walked a whole days journey just to heal her son. He went out of his way to do this because He cared. I'm also reminded of the time that Jesus went to heal the demon-possessed man that lived in the grave yard. Again...he went just for him. It's not like he was going to spend time in the grave yard, himself. These are two stories that show the compassion of our Jesus and how much he cares for us. You see, I'd always figured these stores happened on his way to somewhere important. But I'm seeing that these were places out of the way, places he intentionally went because he had a Divine appointment with these people. And I'm reminded that He cares about these details that seem to shake my plans. He isn't caught off guard and He knows what He's doing.
One phrase I try to live by is extremely simple to say, but hard to implement. But it's something that I strive to think fluently. And it is: I can't. God can. I think I'll let Him.
So when I can't figure out what my plans for school are, God can...I think I'll let him. When I struggle with letting people around me make stupid, selfish, or down right wrong decisions, I have to remember: I can't fix things for any of them. God can. I think I'll let Him. When I see other friends and family hurting financially and experiencing terrifying situations...I can't fix things...God can, though. I think I'll let Him.
The truth is He's been doing this a LONG time...He knows what He's doing. And I just have to trust that He's capable of taking care of EVERY detail of life. After all, I can't, God can...I think I'll let Him.

Invasion of Locusts

I was reading from the book of Joel today. That's a book that is highly underrated. It's conspicuously tucked away somewhere in the collection of Old Testament books after Isaiah. You know, the books that very few of us tend to spend time in because we can't figure out how in the world pomegranate trees and plowshares fit into our society. I'm still not even sure I totally "get" it. There's some deep stuff that you have to go fishing for, but I believe when I finally do figure it out, or more like when God reveals some things, it will be very eye opening. I started on the first chapter and read about the locust and how they devour, and devour, and devour. It states in verse 4, "What the locust swarm has left the great locusts have eaten; what the great locusts have left the young locusts have eaten; what the young locusts have left other locusts have eaten." I didn't even realize there was more than one form of locust!
From there until the end of the chapter it discusses the response of many. The drunkard's response, the virgin's response, the priest's response, the farmer's response, even the wild animal's response. And interestingly enough...it's all the same. These are very different types of beings or backgrounds, but they are all encouraged or actually commanded to grieve...to mourn. Every life in this passage has been devoured, destroyed, or desecrated. Each "grouping" has been ransacked, pummeled, ruined. But Joel's response and admonition to them is the same...grieve, mourn. In essence, be real.
I have always thought it was interesting and, truthfully, disheartening that when people experience extreme pain or hurt, our culture encourages them to suck it up and not let anyone know they are drowning. This is especially sad in our churches. There are so many women, in particular, who are ashamed or embarrassed by the issue of being caught in a struggling or abandoned marriage that they refuse to let their guard down and be real. I think a lot of it has to do with feelings of rejection - you've been rejected by the one person who was supposed to stand by your side til death do you part, and now you just about can't stand being rejected by a group of people who don't always know how to respond to a situation like that. I think another reason women are afraid to be real is they are afraid of losing control of all feelings, either through rage or possibly opening a dam of tears that might never stop. We feel we must hold it all together because if we don't, who will?
That's why Joel's words to me are so refreshing. Five, six, seven years ago, I might not have understood this text, but now I see it in a whole new light. Joel is encouraging people to be real. He's saying, "Look what the enemy has stolen from you. He's eaten away one thing after another...and what was left, he has eaten that, and even still after that he's destroyed more. And the proper response is to grieve this loss." Allow yourself to feel the pain and grief as opposed to putting on a happy face and going on like nothing ever happened.
I realize there is a balance in this whole process, too. Yes, we need to grieve, but we also need to survive. That's why in an an earlier post I encouraged women to set boundaries on their grieving moments, so they don't get consumed with it. But what I'm getting at is allow yourself to feel your emotions, whether they are hurt, anger, fear, confusion...but turn it over to the Lord. In Joel, not only does he encourage us to grieve, but He adds to that to "cry out to the Lord". He's ultimately the ONE who can turn our chaos into peace. God is not intimidated by our emotions - He created them. He just wants us to not be afraid to experience them, and to yield them to Him. He wants us to be real. So whatever you're facing right now, don't underestimate the process of true grief. Be real with yourself and with your Creator. That's when true healing will begin to take place.

God and pencils

A few months ago, while on the way to school (and rushed as usual), my son, Kailen, went into a panic because he forgot a pencil. He's quite the studious little guy that always tries to do his best and takes school very seriously. So this was a big deal. I said, "Kailen, let's ask Daddy for a pencil today." Right then in the car line, he and his sister, Dani, and I thanked Jesus for somehow providing a pencil for Kailen that day. After saying Amen, I told Kailen to be aware of the way that Jesus would provide a pencil for him - whether finding one on the ground, or a friend giving him one, or ??? who knows? I just encouraged him to be aware of how our Father would provide and then for him to say "Thank you" when He did.
That night at bedtime, I asked Kailen how Daddy provided a pencil for him. He said with excitement, "Today my teacher was giving out pencils!!" I said, "See? He knew you needed one and He had that pencil just for you!"
Fast forward several months and the same scenario came up again, today. This morning we're headed down the road toward school when Kailen gave out an exasperated sigh. I asked him what was wrong only to discover he didn't have a pencil. I could sense the panic in his voice but before I could answer, Dani said triumphantly, "Hold on! Dani to the rescue! I have.....(fumbles through her purse and pulls out...)a PENCIL! It's a little short, and hot pink with no eraser, but it's a pencil..." and with that she handed him this stubby bright pink pencil - an absolute nightmare for a nine year old boy. I quickly glanced at him to see his priceless expression of "You have GOT to be kidding me!" Then the panic struck in again - a whole new one of "I can't be seen with a PINK pencil! Are you KIDDING me?!?" So I tried to smooth things over by frantically searching my side car door pocket area. I had just cleaned out my car last week and knew there were a few pens in there, but I didn't recall seeing any pencils. But as I glanced down, I noticed something that appeared to be just that...a pencil. I reached my hand down and pulled out the best looking pencil you can imagine. It was sharpened to the sharpest point with a beautiful, never used eraser on the end. But the best part? It was blue and said, "Smile, Jesus loves you". I quickly handed it to him and said, "Look at what Daddy provided for you today. He did that especially for you because He wanted you to know that He loves you! It wasn't by chance that you forgot a pencil today. He wanted you to get THIS pencil!" You should have seen the look on Kailen's face! It was like he had just received the keys to the kingdom!
As I was thinking about that, I wondered how many times Daddy speaks to us and we seem to not even notice. I have had so many incredible stories happen to me in the past two years that simply take my breath away and leave other people saying, "How does this happen to you? You have the oddest, strangest God experiences." The truth is, we all do. I don't believe there is a day that goes by that our Daddy isn't trying to speak to us in some way, conventional or otherwise. Often times we choose to believe it's happenstance or purely coincidental. But I challenge you to open your eyes a little wider and notice how He lavishes you and how He speaks to you. Even in heartache, He's there. He just wants us to lift our eyes above our circumstance because He's got everything under control. He sees every tear that falls, He hears every unkind word that's been spoken, and He cares deeply when we've been hurt or experienced pain. So when life seems to get a little too unbearable, I encourage you to look for the ways in which He tells you how much you are loved. It may be in someone calling you or sending a note, but it may be in some quirky, strange, untypical way...like a pencil.

Time to Breathe

Finals are over...I'm finished with the first semester back at school! YEEEE HAWWWW!!! I feel great, even though my last test was hardly impressive, but that's okay. It's nice knowing that I accomplished two more classes and have them neatly tucked underneath my educational belt. There were so many things I was invited to this evening...things that I needed to do and things that I wanted to do. But when I finished my final assignment, I just laid back on the couch and breathed.

Do you ever feel like you just need to take a breather? From life in general? These last several months have been challenging, to say the least. So many different emotions I experienced were excitement, panic, fear, exhilleration, exhuastion, overwhelm-ment (I made that word up), peace, anger, and relief. Sometimes all in the same day...(smiley face) And now there's quiet. The kids are with their dad, the final assignments are turned in, the television is off, and the air condition is gently blowing. And it's time to breathe.

One of my favorite lines that I've read and I can't remember who said it, (so if you recognize it...please post it) is "The problem with life is that it's just so daily".
What a great line. It says so much in so few words. How much of life is going by without stopping and taking a moment to breathe in? I think in our society we completely underestimate the power of just sitting. Just listening to the quiet around us. It's beautiful when you have a moment to indulge and sit.

I know many of my dear friends are not at a place mentally or emotionally where they feel they can breathe. They are enduring all those emotions I wrote about a paragraph ago. And my heart hurts for them, but it also smiles for them, because I know they will one day experience the stillness around them and it won't be terrifying or heart wrenching. They will relish in it and Thank God for it. It's one of those things that if you let it pass by it won't go TOO unnoticed, but if you take the time to enjoy it...it's priceless.

So as you read this post, I hope that you'll take advantage of your life and grab a few uninterupted moments...even if you have to schedule them in. Don't underestimate the ability to breathe...to rest...to enjoy. His mercies are new every morning, and each day He breathes new life into us...the least we can do is breathe it, too.

Words of Wisdom

I wrote a few blogs back about how the Lord is bringing more and more women into my life who have been mercilessly hurt and wounded by infidelity. Even today I had a dear friend confess to finding out her husband has been unfaithul, and my heart broke all over again. It's easy to feel as if you're losing your mind. It truly is. And so I have decided to offer up some words of encouragement and hopefully some nuggets of wisdom that I learned or that someone spoke to me when I was dealing with my own pain. I want to pass these along.
1) Reserve the right to not make a decision.
When you first find out that the one person in your life you're supposed to trust has just crushed all your faith, your mind starts spinning. What do I do now??? How do I process this? And one of my dear friends encouraged me to make no major decision for six months. Wow. That seems to be a very long time. I remember thining at the time "That's a great idea". But when my husband asked if we could work things out a week later, that thought went right out the window. I jumped at the thought that he wanted to work out this issue with me. But the truth is, time told the real truth. I should have taken time to see if his actions matched his words because I believe that when a man is suddenly exposed and realizes his wife knows his secret, there's a moment of relief. But then it's followed with "What have I done? I can lose everything." And reality steps in and causes this man to freak out and get scared. In my case, I believe my spouse did exactly that. He thought he lost his girfriend and didn't want to lose his family, and at the same time didn't truly think I'd take him back. But when I DID...well, you can't now turn around after begging to work it out and say "Sorry, just kidding. I want out again." So my words to you would be, give yourself time to make a decision based on actions and truth - not words or fear.
2) Set aside two thirty minute increments to grieve. Okay, hold on until you hear me out. When you are in the first stages of this grief process, your mind is going a hundred miles an hour. Your whole world has proven to be one you had no idea existed. You're shaken to your core. And it's easy to allow your thoughts to run away with you. Thoughts like, "When did this happen? Where did they go? What did they exactly do and how did they do it?" All of a sudden you want to know everything...even though you really don't. My wonderful counselor likened it to a dog wagging a tail. You want to be able to control your thoughts, not your thoughts control you. Don't let that tail wag the dog. So what I was encouraged to do was allow myself two 30 minute increments so when I was at work or driving the kids around town and one of those useless thoughts would enter my brain, I'd say, "Nope. Not going to think about this until 7:30." And then at 7:30 I'd go into my bathroom -away from the kids - and weep. I'd allow myself to think all those horrible thoughts and get them out. And when 8:00 rolled around, I'd suck it up, wash my face and go on with my evening. Now, it doesn't have to be just like that for you - you decide for yourself the time and the exact increment, but do it because it helps you keep your sanity.
3) I've recommended this book to so many people, and unfortunately it's out of print for the moment - BUT I've spoken to the writer's "people" and they assure me it will be in print again. In the meantime, a local bookstore MIGHT still have one on the shelf, or you can order used ones off of Amazon or ebay. It's Donald Harvey's "When the one you love wants to leave". That book helped me keep my head on straight during that time. It is POWERFUL. Donald Harvey discusses the fact that a man is either pushed out, pulled out, or put out and he gives priceless information on how a wife should respond and keep her sanity and dignity at the same time. A MUST read!
4) Find a support group. Whether it be Divorce Care, Grief, Codependency, Celebrate Recovery...whatever, just make sure it's a group that's real. I have found the most real people you'll ever encounter are involved in some sort of 12 step program. I had read Denise Jackson's book "It's all about Him" and how she found a small group of women who quickly surrounded her and supported her. I remember praying for a group like that and 10 months later, I found it - not even realizing it at the time. It was a codependency group (that I still remain a part of). Listen, I personally believe everyone has some form of codependency, but the people in 12 step Codependency groups aren't weak weird-o's, they're just people who want to do something about their life. Stop harmful patterns. It's unfortunate that when you deal with a hurt like infidelity, or really any "shunned" issue of the church, that we have to be so concerned with rejection from the one place that should be safe. But so many women already experience rejection and shame from the one person who's supposed to love them the most, and they just can't risk being shunned by the church. What's even more unfortunate is there are so many "christians" who don't know how to deal with people in this situation - OR the person who was cheating - so they do nothing. Or they turn away. So find some sort of support group to walk this path with you.
5) Find a counselor who can help you put your thoughts together and give you some direction. Some churches offer free counceling or discounted programs based on income. Take advantage of that. It will be the best investment you can make. But I would encourage HIGHLY that you find a Christian counselor. Psalm 1 talks about getting ungodly counsel...Use wisdom and see someone who understands the need for God's ultimate healing.
6) Finally, and most importantly, turn to the One who created your heart. Someone else might have broken it, but He's the manufacturer and knows how to put it together again, to where it will beat perfectly the way He created it to beat. And don't forget that none of this caught Him off gaurd. It all had to go by His desk before he signed off on it. I choose to look at it this way. He must have had a whole lot of faith in me to know He could allow this to happen and know that I'd turn to Him. And if it brings me closer to Him...it's worth it. Don't go through this for nothing.

This might be some of the darkest moments in your life, but don't let it defeat you. There is hope, freedom, sanity and joy ahead of you. "Weeping only lasts for the night, but Joy comes in the morning". You're just one day closer to your healing. God bless!

History's first single mom

This past week presented me with a situation that I knew one day I would have to face, but didn't expect it to be this soon. I won't go into details on what it was, but write about what God showed me through it.
I have been spending the past year and a half working on getting healthy and learning how to set boundaries. (Speaking of boundaries...funny note...I asked my fellow codependent coworker to join me in seeing 'Boundary Hunter' not realizing the movie is actually called 'Bounty Hunter'. Shows how much I'm working on boundaries). When this situation came up, it was time for me to put into practice what I've been learning all this time. I knew I couldn't dodge the bullet forever. And on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I got a seven or eight. But anyway....
The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, I started battling thoughts that I'd dealt with a long time ago. I found myself relaying back to an old pattern of thinking that involved fear, confusion, and questioning. I started to get in a little panic. Then I started asking the Lord questions, "Was I wrong? Did I handle this situation poorly?" And I started to get so anxious about it that I started even questioning my experiences with Jesus. "Did I really hear you recently? Am I on the right track? Are you even hearing me?" And all of a sudden I started questioning His goodness.
It was then that He broke through the silence. "Remember Eve and the serpent? She questioned my goodness, too."
And then He calmed all my fears.
I say this as one who can speak from much experience. When things get difficult and we are caught off guard with the way our lives unfold, it's easy to question God's goodness in it. It's an age old temptation, beginning with the Father of Lies. The enemy is not creative. He uses the same old tactics that he's used for centuries. He's good at what he does. But it's important for us to remember that even through the heartache and pain, God indeed sees and cares. He's working behind the scenes on our behalf.
Today in Sunday School, the lesson was a continuation of the story of Abraham and Sarah. To make a very long story short, Abe and Sarah couldn't have children so they decided to take matters into their own hands and have Abe sleep with the servant Hagar. Well, as you can imagine that only made matters worse. There's a whole lot of preachin' that could be done from that story, but I'm going to skip ahead to when Sarah finally has a child of her own. Now Hagar's son, who Sarah raised as her own, begins to mock Isaac (born to Sarah and Abe). So Sarah has enough and tells Abraham to send Hagar and the son away. And he does. He sends this woman and their son into the desert with very little supplies. Then the Lord showed me something. Here is the first picture we see in the Bible of a single mom. She's sent away...into the desert...to fend for her and her son. She was deserted. Alone. Hopeless. She's been in this situation before, a few chapters back and God had her return. Not this time, though. So here she is again, with a son to provide for. When the water she was carrying ran out, she sat down and sobbed, telling God she can't bear to watch her son die. Then God opened her eyes and provided a well of water for her to drink from. And we don't know what else He provided, but she survived and thrived.
I sat next do a dear lady in class this morning. She's going through a tough time like so many women who have found themselves alone, deserted, scared and unprovided for. And I reminded her through this story that our God has a heart for single moms. For women who have been abandoned and left to fend for themselves. His heart beats for all, but I believe He truly hurts for women in these situations. And it's in these times that we will be tempted to despair and question His goodness. His character. But remember, He never changes. He is the same God that saw Hagar and provided for her, and He will do the same for you.
So this week, when the enemy rears his ugly head, cling tighter to Jesus. Dive into His word and refresh your memory with the truth that God sees you and has an awesome plan for your life. He can provide a well in the desert and turn your sorrow into joy. And not only will you survive...but you'll thrive.

My last post was about my date night with Jesus. There's a part "B" to that whole experience. I had mentioned purchasing the incredible book by Frances Chan entitled "Crazy Love". Well, the next morning I remembered where I had placed a long lost CD (Toby Mac - great CD, by the way). So I put it in my CD player and continued to get ready for work. All of a sudden a song that I've listened to many, many times came on and stopped me in my tracks. Some of the words are:


Wake up to the morning sun
thank the Lord for the
things He's done
lift your eyes up to the
hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you

Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah

Chorus

And the stars are up there
shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away

Chorus: So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through

Did you see those words? "Crazy Love". And it went right along with what the Lord was showing me the night before. He is SO good.

So as I was driving to work, I was thinking about the night before and how we dealt with some issues. And I also reminded myself that it will be the enemies way to try to get me sucked back into wrong thinking...to get caught up and not take time to truly experience Christ's love for me and who I am in Him. So I said to the Lord, "Yesterday is a date, April 15th 2010, that I can put down in my spiritual history book that you and I dealt with this issue. We did serious business and I am not going to allow the enemy to steal my victory. April 15th...interesting. For many people that's doom day with taxes." And before I could barely get my thought completed, He spoke to me loud and clear. This is what He said:
"Kristi, this is no coincidence. You have been paying taxes for years on what I paid in full."
AAAAAA!!!!! Oh...my...goodness. He’s so right! How many of us don’t accept His full price for what He did? It’s like we know he paid the price, but what’s the hidden fee? The tax still owed? It's easy to think "I have to do this, and say that and don’t do that and keep busy working, working, working". But He paid it! It’s like that note card that says I am justified through what HE did…NOTHING I can do! And because of that reality…my focus shifts. I don’t “do” to pay some kind of hidden fee or tax, but out of complete love and surrender.
The heavenlies are shifting for me. It's a new day. And His love is...crazy.

Date night with Jesus

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I mentioned a few days ago that I would blog about my date night with Jesus and how he took me to greater depths. Well this is an email I sent to my dear friend, Natalie, about my night. I thought it was easier to copy this then try to remember all the details - because I don't want to leave anything out.

Wow! What an evening. At first I questioned if I should share what my night was like - should I keep it close and not tell you or anyone else? But I sensed my wonderful Creator say, "If you went on a life changing date with the love of your life, would you keep silent about it? No, you'd be calling every one of your friends to tell them about it." So that's why I'm emailing you.
After our lunch, I kept asking over and over, "Lord, what do you want to do tonight?" And it started to get panicky, like...Okay...what are we going to do??? Hmmm???" And I was putting so much pressure on Him to show me or tell me what to do...Again. And what He told me was, "I want you to go home and take a nap." Okay. Now I know that probably sounds more like ME, but I know it was Him.(Cause I was ready to "do"). It was a tender, loving, "I want to take care of you and deal with some things and we can't deal until you're rested." So I laid down and napped for almost two hours. There were a few times during that two hour span that I would wake and say, "Is it time to wake up?" And He would respond, "No, not yet. Rest a little longer". When the time came to wake up, He said, "Let's go watch the sun set." "O...kay....where?" "Just get in your car and let's drive." He took me to Sonic to get my favorite drink...peach tea. We went to the library park and I sat there, drinking my peach tea and being impatient. Okay, God...what now? It was that awkward kind of waiting where I'm just like tapping my fingers and He's just looking at me like, It's okay. Silence is good. (Silence for me has been frustrating).
He finally said, "Okay. Let's go." "Where?" "Just drive".
We drove and I ended up at Lifeway. At first I questioned, again if this was Him or me. Shouldn't I go home and dive into the Word? Shouldn't I go home and clean or do something productive? Oh, me. But we headed to Lifeway, me sipping my tea, listening to love songs on the radio. It was such a sweet drive. I began to feel like I was on a date with the Creator of the Universe. And it was great.
When I walked into Lifway, this book JUMPED out at me. It's entitled "Crazy Love" and in smaller print it read: Overwhelmed by a relentless God. Are you screaming yet?? I picked it up...sifted through the pages and knew this was a Divine appointment for me. So I got it. I also found a book entitled "Because He loves me"...and I got a few more. I splurged. When I left I got in my car and said, "Okay Lord, I'm doing this because I want to spend more time with you. I want to understand how much you love me...but I don't. Why?" And then the tears came. I barely got out of the parking lot and I practically wept all the way home. That deep, throat clenching, raw, cry out to God with everything you've got weeping. Natalie, it was in those moments that He spoke to me, "Now we're getting somewhere." And I told Him I don't know why I run from love. I don't know why, but I'm ready to stop. I'm ready to yeild to His love. The fact is, love has never been comfortable for me.
I really didn't want to go home yet, but He said, "I'm going with you, so it really doesn't matter - we're still on our date"
When I got home, I started in on this book, Crazy Love by Frances Chan. Oh...My...Goodness. What an awesome book. I love the layout of it, too. It coincides with a website. In the first chapter it said to view this video at www.crazylovebook.com . It's the "Awe Factor" video. Nat, if you get a chance, you HAVE to see it. After I saw it (3 minutes) I again, wept. How could the God of this unbelievable universe love me? But tonight, on my date night with the Creator of the universe, He showed me His love. My night has been priceless. I want more of this.
I'm so excited. This is a new chapter. A new book, actually. Of experiencing His love for me. And receiving it. By the way...I left out a huge part of my evening. When I was sitting in the parking lot at the library and was going through my, "What am I supposed to do?" moments, I looked at my rearview mirror and hanging from it was a notecard that I had recieved just last night and placed on my mirror. It's four lies vs four truths about beliefs. They are from my codpendency class and the first one I read, the only one I read because that's when God started dealing with me, was "I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself" and the truth is "I am deeply loved by God and justified, not by what I have done, but by Christ's finished work on the Cross". And on the way back from Lifeway, I dealt with that...recognized it as sin, whether known or unknown, repented of it, recieved his forgiveness and have spent the rest of the evening replacing it with truth. Something broke. Something in me broke. It's the starting point.

One of the greatest stories told beginning in childhood, is the story of Joseph. Remember Joseph and the beautiful colored coat? Joe is the one who was dearly loved by his father and didn't have a problem parading around in front of his smelly, ornery, filthy, hotheaded brothers. Not real bright. And of course you probably know that story didn't go so well for Joseph. As a matter of fact, it went real bad, real fast. In Genesis 37-43 we see the whole story of Joseph. All the way from painful tears to tears of joy. But an interesting thing happens right smack dab in the middle of this story. It's one that not many of us are familiar with. Not exactly one we want our kids coming home talking about.
"What did you learn in Sunday School today?"
"We learned about Tamar sleeping with her brother-in-law and his sperm being spilt and then her acting like a prostitute and...and getting pregnant by her father-in-law."
"You learned WHAT?!?!"
We'd probably go home and wash our kids mouth, ears, eyes, and anything else out with soap.
But interestingly enough that story is right there in the midst of this archaic tale of one of the greatest leaders recorded in the Christian church. And I couldn't help but wonder...why?
You see, the first time I read this story, I had just learned my husband had given his love and devotion to another woman. Talk about hurt, humiliation, rejection and pain, not to mention fear of what would happen to my family. And as I was staying with a precious friend of mine for a few days just to get away and grieve, the Lord brought me to this part of scripture. And this dreadful, disturbing,...weird story spoke volumes to my soul. You see, this lady, Tamar...she felt everything I felt...and then some. She felt the hurt of, number one being married to a hellion...let's face it, this man was no saint. The Lord took him OUT! That's how horrible he was. Can you even imagine? Then she had to sleep with the brother-in-law and he cheated her out of the one thing she needed in order to be held in good standing with society. A child. He used her. And then he died. How humiliating on several different levels. THEN if that's not bad enough, she keeps getting rejected...and rejected...and rejected. She knew her father-in-law, Judah, was just blowing smoke. He had no intentions of letting his younger son sleep with her and take a risk of being killed - at this point she also had a reputation of men dying once they've slept with her. Things definitly weren't looking up. Then she's got the fear of how the rest of her life will be. No one wanted her. She was alone. BUT GOD...what a great phrase. It turns everything around. BUT God...He saw her. He saw all the wrong done to her. He didn't forget her. And he blessed her with a child. He redeemed ALL her pain, rejection and insecurities. But there's more to this story. It doesn't end here.
Fast forward to the end of the book of Ruth. Remember HER story?? She was part of the deal when Boaz bought the property from Naomi. He took Ruth and became her husband. Well...look down at chapter 4:11-12. After Boaz announces that he is taking Ruth as his wife "the elders and all those at the gate said, 'We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you have standing in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. Through the offspring the Lord gives you by this young woman, may your family be like that of Perez, whom TAMAR bore to JUDAH."
Did you get that??? TAMAR...to JUDAH. These are the same two that we just discussed. The two that had such a weird, disturbing, yucky story. These are the two that are being used now in this story as a compliment! They were a blessing! AND the even better part is this. Verses 18-22 tell of the family line of Perez. Perez begat Hezron who begat Ram who begat..........Obed the father of Jesse and Jesse the father of DAVID. Remember who is in the lineage of David?? Our very own Saviour!! Jesus!!! Do you see the redemption here??? Our Jesus, our saviour...he came from this stinking story of hurt, rejection, pain, humiliation and fear. BUT GOD changed it around and brought us salvation. ONLY HE CAN DO THAT.
So if you're struggling with much of the same feelings that Tamar felt, don't lose sight of the fact that Our Redeemer sees, He cares and He wants to make beauty from your pain. What the enemy meant for evil...Our God can trump it and cause it to bring blessing. It may not seem like it now, and it might be after many long days, weeks, months, even years. But if you let God be God, and deal with all the "stuff", He can and will make your life something beautiful.

His Love for Me

Once in a while I am blessed to get to sit down with my dear friend and mentor, Natalie, for lunch. Now when Natalie and I get together, we don't just have a meal...we have a life changing meeting that averages three hours. The longest we've met has been five. And I am usually exhausted, to say the least. I liken this to the scene in the movie "Jerry McGuire" when Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character remarks about a certain sports interviewer always making grown men cry. And at the end of the movie when he's made it big, he's sitting opposite the interviewer, with big tears in his eyes saying, "I told you I wasn't going to cry..." Well, that's how it is with Nat. When I spend time with her, I inevitably end up crying, sometimes tears gushing out of me. And this past week was no different. I sat there thinking, "I'm not going to cry in this mexican restaraunt. I'm not going to." But here came the tears. And it was good.
One of the things that has been a constant issue that shows up when she and I get to discussing is the phrase "orphan spirit". For years and years I have carried around an orphan spirit, and didn't even realize it. I didn't even know what it was or how it was manifested in my life. But God knew and He's been wanting to deal with it for quite some time. An orphan spirit says things like "It's too good to be true." Or "Well, I believe that for YOU, but not for me. My life doesn't work out that way." or "I believe God loves me because the Bible says so, but I don't feel like I truly understand that not only does He love me, but He is PLEASED with me." I'm just being real here. So as Natalie and I conversed and I told her ALL the things that I'm doing now and am involved in, she said to me "What are you running from? Why are you running?" And I had to verbalize what I've been afraid to say for so long. I don't want to stop long enough to DEAL with the fact that I struggle with His love for me. If I keep busy enough, doing, doing, doing for HIM, than we don't have do get around to my issues. Even that evening I was supposed to be somewhere that would be considered a "godly activity". But little did I know that I had a divine appointment set up that night. Natalie looked at me and said, "You don't need to go to that tonight. You need Daddy time." And she was so right. I left her that afternoon and for the next several hours I encountered the God of the Universe...and His love for me. It's rather lengthy, but I plan on writing about it the next few days. All I have to say now, is that I am so grateful for His unending, humbling, awesome love for me and that even when I'm not perfect, He is madly in love with me.

It amazes me that so many people search in anticipation to see what their horoscope says. What wonderful tidbit of information can be gleaned to let me know what my future holds? It's so fun, exciting, mysterious, and...ridiculous. Why is it that we are the ones that make the choices for our lives, the roads we will travel, but we'd rather let someone who doesn't know a thing ABOUT us decide what is best FOR us? When in all actuality that same person probably wants someone to tell him or her the same thing about themselves?
I know a lot of people "pretend" to say it's just for fun, but you can't tell me there's not a fraction of a part of them that hopes they will indeed meet the love of their life while dropping off laundry at the cleaners even though they never get their clothes professionally cleaned. There is something instilled in each one of us that simply wants to know we will be okay when it's all said and done. We want to find love and be happy. And we want someone to verify that one day it will indeed happen. But I just ask that the next time you look to see what "Virgo" says, consider the source. Either, one, it's someone who sits at a desk all day dreaming up great ideas for your life, or two, it's someone who genuinely can see something of the future...something that even Jesus says not to worry about. Which again, I say, consider the source.
Oh, and one more thing - if there WERE some truth to horoscopes, than we wuold be holding on, letting go, saying goodbye, saying hello, quitting a job, starting a career, becoming wealthy, finding true love AND having children all in the same month. Makes me more tired than I already am. I'd rather leave the unknown to the One who knows it all.
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Persecution - fun, huh?

I have had such a fantastic weekend. Done so many great and exciting things. I am truly loving my life. Are there still difficulties? You bet. But for the most part, my life is so good. But it wasn't too long ago that I was wondering if there was ever going to be a better day. Were things ever going to turn around in my favor?
Recently the Lord has been bringing more and more women into my life who are hurting. They are experiencing the hurt, pain, rejection and sorrow that I have felt in the past few years. It is not by chance that our lives have crossed. Each one has been a divine appointment. So for those of you who just happen to check my blogs and haven't experienced the pain of seperation or divorce, please be patient while I go back down my journey and share some of my personal journal entries that I wrote during these extremely dark times. There are women out there who I will be referring to this blog, and if you know anyone who can benefit from it, please pass the info along.
For those of you who are in the middle for the fight for your life, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and possibly physically, please know that your Father loves you, He SEES, and He is working on YOUR behalf. Don't give up. I hope these passages, although rough, raw and real, will minister to you during this difficult time.
April 6, 2007
I don't think I ever really thought about it before. Persecution. At least not in the form I now know. I always belieed persecution would rise from the hatred felt over in a communist country. And don't get me wrong, that of course, is persecution. But I never realized persecution could come in many different ways. The enemy is not set on one way only. He uses several - some of which come directly from the ones who are supposed to love us most.
We hurt each other so fiercly, not giving thought to the fact that this is indeed warfare. We oftne times attack the ones closest and dearest to us, not knowing it is killing them. It's all a result of selfishness - what "I" want. And we feel so certain and so sure that our minds and motives are pure, giving us the permission to cause suicidal murder. We kill others as we kill ourselves.
When will we learn the way of the Father? When will we follow after Christ, letting Him lead, direct and guide? We can't do it on our own. When we try, we make a mess of things - which brings us back to persecution. I would have never believed the things to shake my faith and cause me to falter, would be done to me in the name of love.

Tea for 189

Tonight was the kick-off for our women's ministry at church. We had a tea party with sweet little treats like cheesecake cubes, brownies with carmel on top and lemon bars. Girly food. And we decorated with black, high lighted with bright colors like lime green, hot pink, orange and turqoise blue. It was so pretty! We informed the ladies of our church about all the upcoming events we will be hosting, including bible studies, retreats, and craft nights. I was asked to make a little speech on the God's Girls class that I attend and to inform the ladies about it. Usually, I would have been nervous, but I was having way too much fun tonight for nerves to set in. It was great. To see something that has been planned for two months come together and go off with a bang is...well there's not much like it. It's so rewarding. This morning I wasn't sure how rewarding the day was going to be because it began with me taking my third Psychology test out of four for the semester. My first two tests I got A's on, so I put so much pressure on myself to get another A, in spight of the fact that I had this tea to be involved in, work, kids, Dancing with the Stars, and church. I finally had to come to the realization that I just need to pass this class. I don't need an A.
I still studied, but tried to balance my hectic lifestyle in the meantime. I had been spending more time on this Psychology class than I was on my major - sign language. So when I drove to the library to take my test, I was resolved to just passing - not expecting an A. I took the test. Now a days, when you take a test, you find out immediately what you get (or at least in this class). You don't have to wait an agonizing week or two until you find out your grade. So when I hit "submit", I was incredibly shocked and pleased to see that I made...an A! Yeah!
It made me wonder...how many times do we look at our relationship with Christ as just wanting to pass? We don't want to put the time or energy into getting an "A", but would rather "just get by". And then I thought tonight about what it feels like to get an "A" in doing things you love, things that you know Christ meant for you to do. I'm finding more and more that there is nothing like being in the center of God's will. It's the greatest, most fulfilling thing in the world. Tonight, being with all those women, laughing, talking, caring...it was like getting that great grade. It's so much more that just getting by. It's excelling. And there's nothing like it in the world!

Tylenol For One

This has been an absolutely gorgeous day! It has also been a very productive day for me. I did a lot of driving, talking, thinking, reminiscing, planning, socializing, signing, and erranding (I added the "ing" on the end of errands for effect). Accompanying my eventful day was a headache that started as a hint of an ache behind my eyes, but as the day wore on increased to a monster sized headache on steroids. By the time our church functions were over tonight, all I could think of was getting home and finding SOMEthing for my nauseating headache and going to bed. After getting the kids settled I went to the medicine cabinet to get me some extra strength anything. But to my distress, there was nothing. And then the frantic search ensued - I searched the drawers, kitchen cabinets, every purse I owned, medicine cabinet AGAIN (in case I overlooked something by chance)drawers, oh yeah, already said that. As I was realizing I had nothing at home to take, I breathed these little words to the Lord, "I remember when my spouse was here, that was one thing he was really good at - he would go get me something if I needed it." Times like that tend to make a person feel all alone. I had resigned to the fact that I would just have to try to outlive this headache and pray that I would have some relief through sleep soon. For some reason - God - I looked one more time in the kitchen junk drawer (now, come on, you have one, too) and I found an old Cracker Barrel gum tin that I had from a while back. I picked it up, shook it and heard some small rattling. I opened it, and what did I find? TWO Tylenol pills. TWO! One serving just for me from my faithful Husband. And He spoke to me, "See, I am your true Love. I provided these just for you! Sleep well, my princess." So, with my pills taken, a smile on my face, and a headache soon on it's way out, I will be going to bed and resting well tonight.

Love Me Tender

I gotta tell ya. There's nothing like being loved by the Creator of the Universe. He is so good. I'll never forget hearing Lana Bateman speak at Christ Church YEARS ago. She had been in the ministry for years when her husband left her for a much younger woman and she said the heartache she endured was agonizing, but the pain she had for broken dreams and future plans only emphasized the pain. She wresteled with God, pouring out her soul to Him, stating, "What about all these plans we had? Plans for growing old together and taking trips, seeing new sights, living life?" And He spoke back to her, "I will take you places your husband could never take you. I will give you those things and fulfill your dreams." Her stories were amazing. One of which was she had been looking forward to getting a pearl necklace for one of their anniversaries. Now that was gone. Until she was on a plane ride to speak somewhere and a lady sat next to her and said, "I don't understand this, but I'm supposed to give you this. The Lord told me to." And she opened a box holding a pearl necklace. Our Creator lavished her with this gift. By the way, she was on her way to speak at a resort she and her husband had dreamt of visiting one day, and she thought it would not be possible now. Again...only the Creator.
I don't have a pearl necklace to look at, but I am constantly lavished with His love everyday of my life. There's nothing like hearing the Spirit of the Living God whisper to your soul and knowing you had a moment with the the Holy One. I don't really know what my purpose in this blog was, except to just lift Him up and to tell you how He constantly takes my breath away. He is overwhelming. Don't let the enemy distract you in this earthly journey. Allow the Faithful One to romance your heart and sing over you. One Sunday, several months ago, Natalie, my precious friend and SS teacher, talked about our Lord singing over us. And she encouraged each of us to ask Him in our quiet time, what He sings over us. I did just that. I went home and that week I asked him, "Lord, what do you sing over me?" His instant words were, "Love me tender, Love me true, all my dreams fulfill. For my darling, I love you, and I always will." Looks like He might have sung that over Lana, too.

Earthquakes and Richter scales

For the past two weeks, the occurrence of earthquakes has been returning to me. The first was a project in my sign language class. I was teamed up with two other classmates to do a presentation on the earthquakes that happened over the past year. Then I took my kids to Pigeon Forge for the weekend, and we saw the "Earthquake" ride in Gatlinburg and just HAD to ride it (by the way...it proved to be too disturbing for little kids). The following day we spent hours at Wonderworks which is an indoor playground for the mind. There's actually a "game" you play with your mind -- using EEG(?) waves -- and now my son KNOWS he's a jedi. But, back to the earthquake theme, there's an actual earthquake simulator where you sit in a cafe booth and all of a sudden you experience what appears to be an earthquake. So we get back to Murfreesboro and I have class that night for sign language, and once again, my professor talks about earthquakes. Okay, God. What's the deal here? So I did what I seem to be doing a lot these days. I asked Him, "Lord, what's the significance of these earthquakes? What are you trying to show me?"
Well it just so happened that when I got back to town from my wonderful weekend with the kids, I had a disturbing letter waiting for me from someone in my past. I read it and started feeling the shakes,quakes, and tremors. I spent time thinking, praying, seeking how to deal with it, and after the Lord and I spent some serious time together on it, I knew what to do. Once my decision was made, the Lord spoke to me again. He said, "About those earthquakes...did you notice that a year or two ago, this issue would have caused you to experience the equivalent to an 8 on the Richter scale, but because you are trusting me and working on getting healthy, it's more like a 2 now?" Ahhh... I see. Indeed even a 8 months ago, I was falling apart, feeling the effects of a mighty emotional earthquake, but look at me now. I don't crumble and fall apart. Yes, people and circumstances - the enemy - throw some mighty hurtful and hard things at me, but it's not devastating me anymore. I'm growing, learning and leaning on Him. And every day I'm getting stronger and stronger. So, now I don't fear or dread the earthquakes as much, they don't shake my foundation, but instead they help me realize I'm unshaken.

Sunshine through the clouds

During our vacatation to Pigeon Forge, we didn't have the best of weather. Our trip there was beautiful and our trip back was the same. Gorgeous, to which I am extremely grateful. But the few days we were actually there, the weather was cold, cloudy and just plain lousy. On Sunday we woke up to 45 degree weather and extreme overcast skies. We went out that morning, had breakfast, and did some souvenier (hope that's how it's spelled..."i before e except after c, and e before n in chicken"- Andy Griffeth) shopping. When we came back to the hotel later that afternoon the kids wanted to go swimming in the indoor pool, so I studied while they played. At one time I looked out the window at the dark skies and had one of my millionth conversations with my Creator. I said, "Jesus, would you please let us have just a little bit of sunshine today? It doesn't have to be much or for very long, but will you please let us have SOME sunshine?" I left it at that.

After a little while, I got the kids out, showered and ready to go. We went and had our picture taken at one of those old-timey places. Kailen and I held guns, and Dani wanted a fan - but we were a tough looking bunch. After leaving there, I decided on a whim to take us to Gatlinburg to the Motion Master inside thrill ride. As we headed out of Pigeon Forge, the clouds continued to get darker and darker. Kailen informed me that they are called "Stratus" Clouds. Mr. Smart Guy. But the awesome part was as we were winding around the mountain, some sunshine began to peek through the clouds. During the entire time we were in Gatlinburg (about an hour and a half) the sun beat down on us and it got to around 65 degrees out. Beautiful! As we headed back to our car, the sun started to fade - but it followed us back to Pigeon Forge. When we got back into town, the sun was beaming strongly on us, but the dark clouds surrounded the area around town - those stratus clouds again. It was bazaar looking - to see it almost black everywhere we looked except up. The kids and I said, "Thank you, Daddy! You're so good to us!" And He is!

It's amazing how our circumstances can look black all around us, but if we look up, we see the beauty of the sunshine beaming down. We have to keep our focus. One thing that I'm learning right now is that the enemy is a great Distracter. He wants our eyes off of the mark and he doesn't care what is the source of our distraction. Distraction is his business. We have to remain focused with our eyes on the the Lord, remembering what's real and true and trusting that he will indeed bring the sunshine through the clouds.

Mrs. Tyler Brandon Troy Perryheathpolamalu

For those of you who don’t know…after being officially single for a few months, I have decided to remarry. However, I’m stumped as to which fellow to devote my future to. There are three gentlemen who have stolen my heart. Troy Polamalu, The NFL’s best Safety who plays for the Pittsburg Steelers, has been at the top of my list for quite some time – however, I need to come to the realization that he’s already married. I’ve lived in denial for a while. But what drew me to Troy was his outspoken faith in God, his faithfulness to his wife ironically enough, and his integrity as a man and human being. He’s kind and caring, and gives his ALL every time he gets on that field.

Then there’s my next runner up, Mr. Brandon Heath. He is a Christian singer/performer. Now, he’s at least single – a LITTLE younger than me, but not MUCH. I can’t go for a much younger guy. They're like chicken wings…too much work. But Brandon has possibilities. He is doing something with his life, reaching other people through his life, extending hope and encouragement through his lyrics. His words are so deep and the music just makes you want to bob your head as you drive down the road. And he’s a cutie.

But now I have another favorite contender. Mr. Tyler Perry. What a man! For those of you unfamiliar with him, he plays “Madea” in the Madea movies. “Diary of mad black woman”, “Family Reunion”, “Madea goes to jail”. And I just finished watching his play, “I can do bad all by myself”. That man is absolutely hilarious! “Halleluyer! Praise the Lo-rt!” But in the midst of EACH one of his movies/plays he has the same message of looking to Jesus. He always points to the main Character…Jesus. That man LOVES Jesus!

And that’s the common thread between these three VERY different men. They all love Jesus, and that’s what’s so attractive about them all. But the awesome thing is…I don’t need any of these men to be a part of my life. I have the very best after all! He is the one who is outspoken about God, who is faithful to his bride, who has integrity. The one who is kind and caring…giving his ALL in everything He does. He reaches people and touches their lives, extending hope and encouragement. HE sings over me. He is funny – has the best sense of humor, and is always ready to take the stage front and center, exhibiting messages that are applicable to our lives.

So, I already have the one person in my life who is truly the best husband. He’s so good to me! And one day he’ll bring a physical companion to me who will be an example of his love and care. Who knows…maybe it will be Mr. Perry? To which I would respond, “Halleluyer! Praise the Lo-rt!

St. Patrick's Day and Olive Green

So...this is my very first blog! And it just hit me - I have no time to blog. I should be studying. BUT - sometimes you have to make time for special events, and I feel this blog is one of those. A special event. So with that said, here goes:
For my very first post, I wanted to start with something exciting! And I was IMPELLED (great word) to write about my favorite color. Olive Green.
Now, for those of you who don't know...Olive Green has NEVER, and I repeat NEVER been a favorite color of mine - UNTIL the Lord took me on a little journey that revealed to me the secrets of the color, Olive Green.
Like I said, I've never been drawn toward Olive Green. But one day as I was getting dressed, I couldn't help but notice how over the previous month, several - no, MANY items surrounding me were Olive. I observed olive bedsheets, olive towels, shower curtain, suitcase, clothing, and even a purse I had just purchased. And then it hit me. What is the Lord trying to teach me here? There's a reason for all this Olive green...And the awesome thing is, when we ask Him, He tells. In Psalms 25 it states, "Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence Him. With them He shares the secrets of His heart". So I asked Him, "Lord? What are you trying to tell me?"
And then I started studying His word. He led me to see that Olive branches were used to crown Victors in bloody battle. That was me. I had not been fighting a physical battle, but a spiritual battle that was brutal. But I received and accepted His Victory!
When I got to work that day, I was still enthralled with the Olive green revelation. As I was sitting at my computer, I received an email from someone I had never met that read:
"A word for you. Thought you might need this today"
After leaning to my coworkers and seeing if they received the same email - negative - I proceeded to open and read. It was a devotional written by Joel Osteen. (Now, I'm personally not a huge fan, but, Hey...this message WAS indeed for me)
It said: Start Celebrating Your Victory Today!
It continued to say that Victory is on the way. Start receiving and believing that God has given you the victory for whatever you're dealing with.

I was amazed...that went right along with my Olive Green - Victory! I immediately replied to the sender of this email and said, "I don't know if you meant this email for me, but I want you to know...it was MEANT for me." To which she responded, "No, I meant to send it to the person right above you on the email addresses, but glad it could help!"
Isn't God good??? He's so wonderful.
So ever since that extraordinary day, when I saw Olive green in a whole new light, I have LOVED that color. I now call it my "God" color. And I think it's even cooler that today of all days, when so many people are celebrating St. Patrick's day, I'm blogging for the first time...surrounded by my favorite color...Olive Green.