I was reading from the book of Joel today. That's a book that is highly underrated. It's conspicuously tucked away somewhere in the collection of Old Testament books after Isaiah. You know, the books that very few of us tend to spend time in because we can't figure out how in the world pomegranate trees and plowshares fit into our society. I'm still not even sure I totally "get" it. There's some deep stuff that you have to go fishing for, but I believe when I finally do figure it out, or more like when God reveals some things, it will be very eye opening. I started on the first chapter and read about the locust and how they devour, and devour, and devour. It states in verse 4, "What the locust swarm has left the great locusts have eaten; what the great locusts have left the young locusts have eaten; what the young locusts have left other locusts have eaten." I didn't even realize there was more than one form of locust!
From there until the end of the chapter it discusses the response of many. The drunkard's response, the virgin's response, the priest's response, the farmer's response, even the wild animal's response. And interestingly enough...it's all the same. These are very different types of beings or backgrounds, but they are all encouraged or actually commanded to grieve...to mourn. Every life in this passage has been devoured, destroyed, or desecrated. Each "grouping" has been ransacked, pummeled, ruined. But Joel's response and admonition to them is the same...grieve, mourn. In essence, be real.
I have always thought it was interesting and, truthfully, disheartening that when people experience extreme pain or hurt, our culture encourages them to suck it up and not let anyone know they are drowning. This is especially sad in our churches. There are so many women, in particular, who are ashamed or embarrassed by the issue of being caught in a struggling or abandoned marriage that they refuse to let their guard down and be real. I think a lot of it has to do with feelings of rejection - you've been rejected by the one person who was supposed to stand by your side til death do you part, and now you just about can't stand being rejected by a group of people who don't always know how to respond to a situation like that. I think another reason women are afraid to be real is they are afraid of losing control of all feelings, either through rage or possibly opening a dam of tears that might never stop. We feel we must hold it all together because if we don't, who will?
That's why Joel's words to me are so refreshing. Five, six, seven years ago, I might not have understood this text, but now I see it in a whole new light. Joel is encouraging people to be real. He's saying, "Look what the enemy has stolen from you. He's eaten away one thing after another...and what was left, he has eaten that, and even still after that he's destroyed more. And the proper response is to grieve this loss." Allow yourself to feel the pain and grief as opposed to putting on a happy face and going on like nothing ever happened.
I realize there is a balance in this whole process, too. Yes, we need to grieve, but we also need to survive. That's why in an an earlier post I encouraged women to set boundaries on their grieving moments, so they don't get consumed with it. But what I'm getting at is allow yourself to feel your emotions, whether they are hurt, anger, fear, confusion...but turn it over to the Lord. In Joel, not only does he encourage us to grieve, but He adds to that to "cry out to the Lord". He's ultimately the ONE who can turn our chaos into peace. God is not intimidated by our emotions - He created them. He just wants us to not be afraid to experience them, and to yield them to Him. He wants us to be real. So whatever you're facing right now, don't underestimate the process of true grief. Be real with yourself and with your Creator. That's when true healing will begin to take place.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
God and pencils
A few months ago, while on the way to school (and rushed as usual), my son, Kailen, went into a panic because he forgot a pencil. He's quite the studious little guy that always tries to do his best and takes school very seriously. So this was a big deal. I said, "Kailen, let's ask Daddy for a pencil today." Right then in the car line, he and his sister, Dani, and I thanked Jesus for somehow providing a pencil for Kailen that day. After saying Amen, I told Kailen to be aware of the way that Jesus would provide a pencil for him - whether finding one on the ground, or a friend giving him one, or ??? who knows? I just encouraged him to be aware of how our Father would provide and then for him to say "Thank you" when He did.
That night at bedtime, I asked Kailen how Daddy provided a pencil for him. He said with excitement, "Today my teacher was giving out pencils!!" I said, "See? He knew you needed one and He had that pencil just for you!"
Fast forward several months and the same scenario came up again, today. This morning we're headed down the road toward school when Kailen gave out an exasperated sigh. I asked him what was wrong only to discover he didn't have a pencil. I could sense the panic in his voice but before I could answer, Dani said triumphantly, "Hold on! Dani to the rescue! I have.....(fumbles through her purse and pulls out...)a PENCIL! It's a little short, and hot pink with no eraser, but it's a pencil..." and with that she handed him this stubby bright pink pencil - an absolute nightmare for a nine year old boy. I quickly glanced at him to see his priceless expression of "You have GOT to be kidding me!" Then the panic struck in again - a whole new one of "I can't be seen with a PINK pencil! Are you KIDDING me?!?" So I tried to smooth things over by frantically searching my side car door pocket area. I had just cleaned out my car last week and knew there were a few pens in there, but I didn't recall seeing any pencils. But as I glanced down, I noticed something that appeared to be just that...a pencil. I reached my hand down and pulled out the best looking pencil you can imagine. It was sharpened to the sharpest point with a beautiful, never used eraser on the end. But the best part? It was blue and said, "Smile, Jesus loves you". I quickly handed it to him and said, "Look at what Daddy provided for you today. He did that especially for you because He wanted you to know that He loves you! It wasn't by chance that you forgot a pencil today. He wanted you to get THIS pencil!" You should have seen the look on Kailen's face! It was like he had just received the keys to the kingdom!
As I was thinking about that, I wondered how many times Daddy speaks to us and we seem to not even notice. I have had so many incredible stories happen to me in the past two years that simply take my breath away and leave other people saying, "How does this happen to you? You have the oddest, strangest God experiences." The truth is, we all do. I don't believe there is a day that goes by that our Daddy isn't trying to speak to us in some way, conventional or otherwise. Often times we choose to believe it's happenstance or purely coincidental. But I challenge you to open your eyes a little wider and notice how He lavishes you and how He speaks to you. Even in heartache, He's there. He just wants us to lift our eyes above our circumstance because He's got everything under control. He sees every tear that falls, He hears every unkind word that's been spoken, and He cares deeply when we've been hurt or experienced pain. So when life seems to get a little too unbearable, I encourage you to look for the ways in which He tells you how much you are loved. It may be in someone calling you or sending a note, but it may be in some quirky, strange, untypical way...like a pencil.
That night at bedtime, I asked Kailen how Daddy provided a pencil for him. He said with excitement, "Today my teacher was giving out pencils!!" I said, "See? He knew you needed one and He had that pencil just for you!"
Fast forward several months and the same scenario came up again, today. This morning we're headed down the road toward school when Kailen gave out an exasperated sigh. I asked him what was wrong only to discover he didn't have a pencil. I could sense the panic in his voice but before I could answer, Dani said triumphantly, "Hold on! Dani to the rescue! I have.....(fumbles through her purse and pulls out...)a PENCIL! It's a little short, and hot pink with no eraser, but it's a pencil..." and with that she handed him this stubby bright pink pencil - an absolute nightmare for a nine year old boy. I quickly glanced at him to see his priceless expression of "You have GOT to be kidding me!" Then the panic struck in again - a whole new one of "I can't be seen with a PINK pencil! Are you KIDDING me?!?" So I tried to smooth things over by frantically searching my side car door pocket area. I had just cleaned out my car last week and knew there were a few pens in there, but I didn't recall seeing any pencils. But as I glanced down, I noticed something that appeared to be just that...a pencil. I reached my hand down and pulled out the best looking pencil you can imagine. It was sharpened to the sharpest point with a beautiful, never used eraser on the end. But the best part? It was blue and said, "Smile, Jesus loves you". I quickly handed it to him and said, "Look at what Daddy provided for you today. He did that especially for you because He wanted you to know that He loves you! It wasn't by chance that you forgot a pencil today. He wanted you to get THIS pencil!" You should have seen the look on Kailen's face! It was like he had just received the keys to the kingdom!
As I was thinking about that, I wondered how many times Daddy speaks to us and we seem to not even notice. I have had so many incredible stories happen to me in the past two years that simply take my breath away and leave other people saying, "How does this happen to you? You have the oddest, strangest God experiences." The truth is, we all do. I don't believe there is a day that goes by that our Daddy isn't trying to speak to us in some way, conventional or otherwise. Often times we choose to believe it's happenstance or purely coincidental. But I challenge you to open your eyes a little wider and notice how He lavishes you and how He speaks to you. Even in heartache, He's there. He just wants us to lift our eyes above our circumstance because He's got everything under control. He sees every tear that falls, He hears every unkind word that's been spoken, and He cares deeply when we've been hurt or experienced pain. So when life seems to get a little too unbearable, I encourage you to look for the ways in which He tells you how much you are loved. It may be in someone calling you or sending a note, but it may be in some quirky, strange, untypical way...like a pencil.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Time to Breathe
Finals are over...I'm finished with the first semester back at school! YEEEE HAWWWW!!! I feel great, even though my last test was hardly impressive, but that's okay. It's nice knowing that I accomplished two more classes and have them neatly tucked underneath my educational belt. There were so many things I was invited to this evening...things that I needed to do and things that I wanted to do. But when I finished my final assignment, I just laid back on the couch and breathed.
Do you ever feel like you just need to take a breather? From life in general? These last several months have been challenging, to say the least. So many different emotions I experienced were excitement, panic, fear, exhilleration, exhuastion, overwhelm-ment (I made that word up), peace, anger, and relief. Sometimes all in the same day...(smiley face) And now there's quiet. The kids are with their dad, the final assignments are turned in, the television is off, and the air condition is gently blowing. And it's time to breathe.
One of my favorite lines that I've read and I can't remember who said it, (so if you recognize it...please post it) is "The problem with life is that it's just so daily".
What a great line. It says so much in so few words. How much of life is going by without stopping and taking a moment to breathe in? I think in our society we completely underestimate the power of just sitting. Just listening to the quiet around us. It's beautiful when you have a moment to indulge and sit.
I know many of my dear friends are not at a place mentally or emotionally where they feel they can breathe. They are enduring all those emotions I wrote about a paragraph ago. And my heart hurts for them, but it also smiles for them, because I know they will one day experience the stillness around them and it won't be terrifying or heart wrenching. They will relish in it and Thank God for it. It's one of those things that if you let it pass by it won't go TOO unnoticed, but if you take the time to enjoy it...it's priceless.
So as you read this post, I hope that you'll take advantage of your life and grab a few uninterupted moments...even if you have to schedule them in. Don't underestimate the ability to breathe...to rest...to enjoy. His mercies are new every morning, and each day He breathes new life into us...the least we can do is breathe it, too.
Do you ever feel like you just need to take a breather? From life in general? These last several months have been challenging, to say the least. So many different emotions I experienced were excitement, panic, fear, exhilleration, exhuastion, overwhelm-ment (I made that word up), peace, anger, and relief. Sometimes all in the same day...(smiley face) And now there's quiet. The kids are with their dad, the final assignments are turned in, the television is off, and the air condition is gently blowing. And it's time to breathe.
One of my favorite lines that I've read and I can't remember who said it, (so if you recognize it...please post it) is "The problem with life is that it's just so daily".
What a great line. It says so much in so few words. How much of life is going by without stopping and taking a moment to breathe in? I think in our society we completely underestimate the power of just sitting. Just listening to the quiet around us. It's beautiful when you have a moment to indulge and sit.
I know many of my dear friends are not at a place mentally or emotionally where they feel they can breathe. They are enduring all those emotions I wrote about a paragraph ago. And my heart hurts for them, but it also smiles for them, because I know they will one day experience the stillness around them and it won't be terrifying or heart wrenching. They will relish in it and Thank God for it. It's one of those things that if you let it pass by it won't go TOO unnoticed, but if you take the time to enjoy it...it's priceless.
So as you read this post, I hope that you'll take advantage of your life and grab a few uninterupted moments...even if you have to schedule them in. Don't underestimate the ability to breathe...to rest...to enjoy. His mercies are new every morning, and each day He breathes new life into us...the least we can do is breathe it, too.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Words of Wisdom
I wrote a few blogs back about how the Lord is bringing more and more women into my life who have been mercilessly hurt and wounded by infidelity. Even today I had a dear friend confess to finding out her husband has been unfaithul, and my heart broke all over again. It's easy to feel as if you're losing your mind. It truly is. And so I have decided to offer up some words of encouragement and hopefully some nuggets of wisdom that I learned or that someone spoke to me when I was dealing with my own pain. I want to pass these along.
1) Reserve the right to not make a decision.
When you first find out that the one person in your life you're supposed to trust has just crushed all your faith, your mind starts spinning. What do I do now??? How do I process this? And one of my dear friends encouraged me to make no major decision for six months. Wow. That seems to be a very long time. I remember thining at the time "That's a great idea". But when my husband asked if we could work things out a week later, that thought went right out the window. I jumped at the thought that he wanted to work out this issue with me. But the truth is, time told the real truth. I should have taken time to see if his actions matched his words because I believe that when a man is suddenly exposed and realizes his wife knows his secret, there's a moment of relief. But then it's followed with "What have I done? I can lose everything." And reality steps in and causes this man to freak out and get scared. In my case, I believe my spouse did exactly that. He thought he lost his girfriend and didn't want to lose his family, and at the same time didn't truly think I'd take him back. But when I DID...well, you can't now turn around after begging to work it out and say "Sorry, just kidding. I want out again." So my words to you would be, give yourself time to make a decision based on actions and truth - not words or fear.
2) Set aside two thirty minute increments to grieve. Okay, hold on until you hear me out. When you are in the first stages of this grief process, your mind is going a hundred miles an hour. Your whole world has proven to be one you had no idea existed. You're shaken to your core. And it's easy to allow your thoughts to run away with you. Thoughts like, "When did this happen? Where did they go? What did they exactly do and how did they do it?" All of a sudden you want to know everything...even though you really don't. My wonderful counselor likened it to a dog wagging a tail. You want to be able to control your thoughts, not your thoughts control you. Don't let that tail wag the dog. So what I was encouraged to do was allow myself two 30 minute increments so when I was at work or driving the kids around town and one of those useless thoughts would enter my brain, I'd say, "Nope. Not going to think about this until 7:30." And then at 7:30 I'd go into my bathroom -away from the kids - and weep. I'd allow myself to think all those horrible thoughts and get them out. And when 8:00 rolled around, I'd suck it up, wash my face and go on with my evening. Now, it doesn't have to be just like that for you - you decide for yourself the time and the exact increment, but do it because it helps you keep your sanity.
3) I've recommended this book to so many people, and unfortunately it's out of print for the moment - BUT I've spoken to the writer's "people" and they assure me it will be in print again. In the meantime, a local bookstore MIGHT still have one on the shelf, or you can order used ones off of Amazon or ebay. It's Donald Harvey's "When the one you love wants to leave". That book helped me keep my head on straight during that time. It is POWERFUL. Donald Harvey discusses the fact that a man is either pushed out, pulled out, or put out and he gives priceless information on how a wife should respond and keep her sanity and dignity at the same time. A MUST read!
4) Find a support group. Whether it be Divorce Care, Grief, Codependency, Celebrate Recovery...whatever, just make sure it's a group that's real. I have found the most real people you'll ever encounter are involved in some sort of 12 step program. I had read Denise Jackson's book "It's all about Him" and how she found a small group of women who quickly surrounded her and supported her. I remember praying for a group like that and 10 months later, I found it - not even realizing it at the time. It was a codependency group (that I still remain a part of). Listen, I personally believe everyone has some form of codependency, but the people in 12 step Codependency groups aren't weak weird-o's, they're just people who want to do something about their life. Stop harmful patterns. It's unfortunate that when you deal with a hurt like infidelity, or really any "shunned" issue of the church, that we have to be so concerned with rejection from the one place that should be safe. But so many women already experience rejection and shame from the one person who's supposed to love them the most, and they just can't risk being shunned by the church. What's even more unfortunate is there are so many "christians" who don't know how to deal with people in this situation - OR the person who was cheating - so they do nothing. Or they turn away. So find some sort of support group to walk this path with you.
5) Find a counselor who can help you put your thoughts together and give you some direction. Some churches offer free counceling or discounted programs based on income. Take advantage of that. It will be the best investment you can make. But I would encourage HIGHLY that you find a Christian counselor. Psalm 1 talks about getting ungodly counsel...Use wisdom and see someone who understands the need for God's ultimate healing.
6) Finally, and most importantly, turn to the One who created your heart. Someone else might have broken it, but He's the manufacturer and knows how to put it together again, to where it will beat perfectly the way He created it to beat. And don't forget that none of this caught Him off gaurd. It all had to go by His desk before he signed off on it. I choose to look at it this way. He must have had a whole lot of faith in me to know He could allow this to happen and know that I'd turn to Him. And if it brings me closer to Him...it's worth it. Don't go through this for nothing.
This might be some of the darkest moments in your life, but don't let it defeat you. There is hope, freedom, sanity and joy ahead of you. "Weeping only lasts for the night, but Joy comes in the morning". You're just one day closer to your healing. God bless!
1) Reserve the right to not make a decision.
When you first find out that the one person in your life you're supposed to trust has just crushed all your faith, your mind starts spinning. What do I do now??? How do I process this? And one of my dear friends encouraged me to make no major decision for six months. Wow. That seems to be a very long time. I remember thining at the time "That's a great idea". But when my husband asked if we could work things out a week later, that thought went right out the window. I jumped at the thought that he wanted to work out this issue with me. But the truth is, time told the real truth. I should have taken time to see if his actions matched his words because I believe that when a man is suddenly exposed and realizes his wife knows his secret, there's a moment of relief. But then it's followed with "What have I done? I can lose everything." And reality steps in and causes this man to freak out and get scared. In my case, I believe my spouse did exactly that. He thought he lost his girfriend and didn't want to lose his family, and at the same time didn't truly think I'd take him back. But when I DID...well, you can't now turn around after begging to work it out and say "Sorry, just kidding. I want out again." So my words to you would be, give yourself time to make a decision based on actions and truth - not words or fear.
2) Set aside two thirty minute increments to grieve. Okay, hold on until you hear me out. When you are in the first stages of this grief process, your mind is going a hundred miles an hour. Your whole world has proven to be one you had no idea existed. You're shaken to your core. And it's easy to allow your thoughts to run away with you. Thoughts like, "When did this happen? Where did they go? What did they exactly do and how did they do it?" All of a sudden you want to know everything...even though you really don't. My wonderful counselor likened it to a dog wagging a tail. You want to be able to control your thoughts, not your thoughts control you. Don't let that tail wag the dog. So what I was encouraged to do was allow myself two 30 minute increments so when I was at work or driving the kids around town and one of those useless thoughts would enter my brain, I'd say, "Nope. Not going to think about this until 7:30." And then at 7:30 I'd go into my bathroom -away from the kids - and weep. I'd allow myself to think all those horrible thoughts and get them out. And when 8:00 rolled around, I'd suck it up, wash my face and go on with my evening. Now, it doesn't have to be just like that for you - you decide for yourself the time and the exact increment, but do it because it helps you keep your sanity.
3) I've recommended this book to so many people, and unfortunately it's out of print for the moment - BUT I've spoken to the writer's "people" and they assure me it will be in print again. In the meantime, a local bookstore MIGHT still have one on the shelf, or you can order used ones off of Amazon or ebay. It's Donald Harvey's "When the one you love wants to leave". That book helped me keep my head on straight during that time. It is POWERFUL. Donald Harvey discusses the fact that a man is either pushed out, pulled out, or put out and he gives priceless information on how a wife should respond and keep her sanity and dignity at the same time. A MUST read!
4) Find a support group. Whether it be Divorce Care, Grief, Codependency, Celebrate Recovery...whatever, just make sure it's a group that's real. I have found the most real people you'll ever encounter are involved in some sort of 12 step program. I had read Denise Jackson's book "It's all about Him" and how she found a small group of women who quickly surrounded her and supported her. I remember praying for a group like that and 10 months later, I found it - not even realizing it at the time. It was a codependency group (that I still remain a part of). Listen, I personally believe everyone has some form of codependency, but the people in 12 step Codependency groups aren't weak weird-o's, they're just people who want to do something about their life. Stop harmful patterns. It's unfortunate that when you deal with a hurt like infidelity, or really any "shunned" issue of the church, that we have to be so concerned with rejection from the one place that should be safe. But so many women already experience rejection and shame from the one person who's supposed to love them the most, and they just can't risk being shunned by the church. What's even more unfortunate is there are so many "christians" who don't know how to deal with people in this situation - OR the person who was cheating - so they do nothing. Or they turn away. So find some sort of support group to walk this path with you.
5) Find a counselor who can help you put your thoughts together and give you some direction. Some churches offer free counceling or discounted programs based on income. Take advantage of that. It will be the best investment you can make. But I would encourage HIGHLY that you find a Christian counselor. Psalm 1 talks about getting ungodly counsel...Use wisdom and see someone who understands the need for God's ultimate healing.
6) Finally, and most importantly, turn to the One who created your heart. Someone else might have broken it, but He's the manufacturer and knows how to put it together again, to where it will beat perfectly the way He created it to beat. And don't forget that none of this caught Him off gaurd. It all had to go by His desk before he signed off on it. I choose to look at it this way. He must have had a whole lot of faith in me to know He could allow this to happen and know that I'd turn to Him. And if it brings me closer to Him...it's worth it. Don't go through this for nothing.
This might be some of the darkest moments in your life, but don't let it defeat you. There is hope, freedom, sanity and joy ahead of you. "Weeping only lasts for the night, but Joy comes in the morning". You're just one day closer to your healing. God bless!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
History's first single mom
This past week presented me with a situation that I knew one day I would have to face, but didn't expect it to be this soon. I won't go into details on what it was, but write about what God showed me through it.
I have been spending the past year and a half working on getting healthy and learning how to set boundaries. (Speaking of boundaries...funny note...I asked my fellow codependent coworker to join me in seeing 'Boundary Hunter' not realizing the movie is actually called 'Bounty Hunter'. Shows how much I'm working on boundaries). When this situation came up, it was time for me to put into practice what I've been learning all this time. I knew I couldn't dodge the bullet forever. And on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I got a seven or eight. But anyway....
The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, I started battling thoughts that I'd dealt with a long time ago. I found myself relaying back to an old pattern of thinking that involved fear, confusion, and questioning. I started to get in a little panic. Then I started asking the Lord questions, "Was I wrong? Did I handle this situation poorly?" And I started to get so anxious about it that I started even questioning my experiences with Jesus. "Did I really hear you recently? Am I on the right track? Are you even hearing me?" And all of a sudden I started questioning His goodness.
It was then that He broke through the silence. "Remember Eve and the serpent? She questioned my goodness, too."
And then He calmed all my fears.
I say this as one who can speak from much experience. When things get difficult and we are caught off guard with the way our lives unfold, it's easy to question God's goodness in it. It's an age old temptation, beginning with the Father of Lies. The enemy is not creative. He uses the same old tactics that he's used for centuries. He's good at what he does. But it's important for us to remember that even through the heartache and pain, God indeed sees and cares. He's working behind the scenes on our behalf.
Today in Sunday School, the lesson was a continuation of the story of Abraham and Sarah. To make a very long story short, Abe and Sarah couldn't have children so they decided to take matters into their own hands and have Abe sleep with the servant Hagar. Well, as you can imagine that only made matters worse. There's a whole lot of preachin' that could be done from that story, but I'm going to skip ahead to when Sarah finally has a child of her own. Now Hagar's son, who Sarah raised as her own, begins to mock Isaac (born to Sarah and Abe). So Sarah has enough and tells Abraham to send Hagar and the son away. And he does. He sends this woman and their son into the desert with very little supplies. Then the Lord showed me something. Here is the first picture we see in the Bible of a single mom. She's sent away...into the desert...to fend for her and her son. She was deserted. Alone. Hopeless. She's been in this situation before, a few chapters back and God had her return. Not this time, though. So here she is again, with a son to provide for. When the water she was carrying ran out, she sat down and sobbed, telling God she can't bear to watch her son die. Then God opened her eyes and provided a well of water for her to drink from. And we don't know what else He provided, but she survived and thrived.
I sat next do a dear lady in class this morning. She's going through a tough time like so many women who have found themselves alone, deserted, scared and unprovided for. And I reminded her through this story that our God has a heart for single moms. For women who have been abandoned and left to fend for themselves. His heart beats for all, but I believe He truly hurts for women in these situations. And it's in these times that we will be tempted to despair and question His goodness. His character. But remember, He never changes. He is the same God that saw Hagar and provided for her, and He will do the same for you.
So this week, when the enemy rears his ugly head, cling tighter to Jesus. Dive into His word and refresh your memory with the truth that God sees you and has an awesome plan for your life. He can provide a well in the desert and turn your sorrow into joy. And not only will you survive...but you'll thrive.
I have been spending the past year and a half working on getting healthy and learning how to set boundaries. (Speaking of boundaries...funny note...I asked my fellow codependent coworker to join me in seeing 'Boundary Hunter' not realizing the movie is actually called 'Bounty Hunter'. Shows how much I'm working on boundaries). When this situation came up, it was time for me to put into practice what I've been learning all this time. I knew I couldn't dodge the bullet forever. And on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I got a seven or eight. But anyway....
The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, I started battling thoughts that I'd dealt with a long time ago. I found myself relaying back to an old pattern of thinking that involved fear, confusion, and questioning. I started to get in a little panic. Then I started asking the Lord questions, "Was I wrong? Did I handle this situation poorly?" And I started to get so anxious about it that I started even questioning my experiences with Jesus. "Did I really hear you recently? Am I on the right track? Are you even hearing me?" And all of a sudden I started questioning His goodness.
It was then that He broke through the silence. "Remember Eve and the serpent? She questioned my goodness, too."
And then He calmed all my fears.
I say this as one who can speak from much experience. When things get difficult and we are caught off guard with the way our lives unfold, it's easy to question God's goodness in it. It's an age old temptation, beginning with the Father of Lies. The enemy is not creative. He uses the same old tactics that he's used for centuries. He's good at what he does. But it's important for us to remember that even through the heartache and pain, God indeed sees and cares. He's working behind the scenes on our behalf.
Today in Sunday School, the lesson was a continuation of the story of Abraham and Sarah. To make a very long story short, Abe and Sarah couldn't have children so they decided to take matters into their own hands and have Abe sleep with the servant Hagar. Well, as you can imagine that only made matters worse. There's a whole lot of preachin' that could be done from that story, but I'm going to skip ahead to when Sarah finally has a child of her own. Now Hagar's son, who Sarah raised as her own, begins to mock Isaac (born to Sarah and Abe). So Sarah has enough and tells Abraham to send Hagar and the son away. And he does. He sends this woman and their son into the desert with very little supplies. Then the Lord showed me something. Here is the first picture we see in the Bible of a single mom. She's sent away...into the desert...to fend for her and her son. She was deserted. Alone. Hopeless. She's been in this situation before, a few chapters back and God had her return. Not this time, though. So here she is again, with a son to provide for. When the water she was carrying ran out, she sat down and sobbed, telling God she can't bear to watch her son die. Then God opened her eyes and provided a well of water for her to drink from. And we don't know what else He provided, but she survived and thrived.
I sat next do a dear lady in class this morning. She's going through a tough time like so many women who have found themselves alone, deserted, scared and unprovided for. And I reminded her through this story that our God has a heart for single moms. For women who have been abandoned and left to fend for themselves. His heart beats for all, but I believe He truly hurts for women in these situations. And it's in these times that we will be tempted to despair and question His goodness. His character. But remember, He never changes. He is the same God that saw Hagar and provided for her, and He will do the same for you.
So this week, when the enemy rears his ugly head, cling tighter to Jesus. Dive into His word and refresh your memory with the truth that God sees you and has an awesome plan for your life. He can provide a well in the desert and turn your sorrow into joy. And not only will you survive...but you'll thrive.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
My last post was about my date night with Jesus. There's a part "B" to that whole experience. I had mentioned purchasing the incredible book by Frances Chan entitled "Crazy Love". Well, the next morning I remembered where I had placed a long lost CD (Toby Mac - great CD, by the way). So I put it in my CD player and continued to get ready for work. All of a sudden a song that I've listened to many, many times came on and stopped me in my tracks. Some of the words are:
Wake up to the morning sun
thank the Lord for the
things He's done
lift your eyes up to the
hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you
Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah
Chorus
And the stars are up there
shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away
Chorus: So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through
Did you see those words? "Crazy Love". And it went right along with what the Lord was showing me the night before. He is SO good.
So as I was driving to work, I was thinking about the night before and how we dealt with some issues. And I also reminded myself that it will be the enemies way to try to get me sucked back into wrong thinking...to get caught up and not take time to truly experience Christ's love for me and who I am in Him. So I said to the Lord, "Yesterday is a date, April 15th 2010, that I can put down in my spiritual history book that you and I dealt with this issue. We did serious business and I am not going to allow the enemy to steal my victory. April 15th...interesting. For many people that's doom day with taxes." And before I could barely get my thought completed, He spoke to me loud and clear. This is what He said:
"Kristi, this is no coincidence. You have been paying taxes for years on what I paid in full."
AAAAAA!!!!! Oh...my...goodness. He’s so right! How many of us don’t accept His full price for what He did? It’s like we know he paid the price, but what’s the hidden fee? The tax still owed? It's easy to think "I have to do this, and say that and don’t do that and keep busy working, working, working". But He paid it! It’s like that note card that says I am justified through what HE did…NOTHING I can do! And because of that reality…my focus shifts. I don’t “do” to pay some kind of hidden fee or tax, but out of complete love and surrender.
The heavenlies are shifting for me. It's a new day. And His love is...crazy.
Wake up to the morning sun
thank the Lord for the
things He's done
lift your eyes up to the
hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you
Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah
Chorus
And the stars are up there
shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away
Chorus: So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through
Did you see those words? "Crazy Love". And it went right along with what the Lord was showing me the night before. He is SO good.
So as I was driving to work, I was thinking about the night before and how we dealt with some issues. And I also reminded myself that it will be the enemies way to try to get me sucked back into wrong thinking...to get caught up and not take time to truly experience Christ's love for me and who I am in Him. So I said to the Lord, "Yesterday is a date, April 15th 2010, that I can put down in my spiritual history book that you and I dealt with this issue. We did serious business and I am not going to allow the enemy to steal my victory. April 15th...interesting. For many people that's doom day with taxes." And before I could barely get my thought completed, He spoke to me loud and clear. This is what He said:
"Kristi, this is no coincidence. You have been paying taxes for years on what I paid in full."
AAAAAA!!!!! Oh...my...goodness. He’s so right! How many of us don’t accept His full price for what He did? It’s like we know he paid the price, but what’s the hidden fee? The tax still owed? It's easy to think "I have to do this, and say that and don’t do that and keep busy working, working, working". But He paid it! It’s like that note card that says I am justified through what HE did…NOTHING I can do! And because of that reality…my focus shifts. I don’t “do” to pay some kind of hidden fee or tax, but out of complete love and surrender.
The heavenlies are shifting for me. It's a new day. And His love is...crazy.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Date night with Jesus
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I mentioned a few days ago that I would blog about my date night with Jesus and how he took me to greater depths. Well this is an email I sent to my dear friend, Natalie, about my night. I thought it was easier to copy this then try to remember all the details - because I don't want to leave anything out.
Wow! What an evening. At first I questioned if I should share what my night was like - should I keep it close and not tell you or anyone else? But I sensed my wonderful Creator say, "If you went on a life changing date with the love of your life, would you keep silent about it? No, you'd be calling every one of your friends to tell them about it." So that's why I'm emailing you.
After our lunch, I kept asking over and over, "Lord, what do you want to do tonight?" And it started to get panicky, like...Okay...what are we going to do??? Hmmm???" And I was putting so much pressure on Him to show me or tell me what to do...Again. And what He told me was, "I want you to go home and take a nap." Okay. Now I know that probably sounds more like ME, but I know it was Him.(Cause I was ready to "do"). It was a tender, loving, "I want to take care of you and deal with some things and we can't deal until you're rested." So I laid down and napped for almost two hours. There were a few times during that two hour span that I would wake and say, "Is it time to wake up?" And He would respond, "No, not yet. Rest a little longer". When the time came to wake up, He said, "Let's go watch the sun set." "O...kay....where?" "Just get in your car and let's drive." He took me to Sonic to get my favorite drink...peach tea. We went to the library park and I sat there, drinking my peach tea and being impatient. Okay, God...what now? It was that awkward kind of waiting where I'm just like tapping my fingers and He's just looking at me like, It's okay. Silence is good. (Silence for me has been frustrating).
He finally said, "Okay. Let's go." "Where?" "Just drive".
We drove and I ended up at Lifeway. At first I questioned, again if this was Him or me. Shouldn't I go home and dive into the Word? Shouldn't I go home and clean or do something productive? Oh, me. But we headed to Lifeway, me sipping my tea, listening to love songs on the radio. It was such a sweet drive. I began to feel like I was on a date with the Creator of the Universe. And it was great.
When I walked into Lifway, this book JUMPED out at me. It's entitled "Crazy Love" and in smaller print it read: Overwhelmed by a relentless God. Are you screaming yet?? I picked it up...sifted through the pages and knew this was a Divine appointment for me. So I got it. I also found a book entitled "Because He loves me"...and I got a few more. I splurged. When I left I got in my car and said, "Okay Lord, I'm doing this because I want to spend more time with you. I want to understand how much you love me...but I don't. Why?" And then the tears came. I barely got out of the parking lot and I practically wept all the way home. That deep, throat clenching, raw, cry out to God with everything you've got weeping. Natalie, it was in those moments that He spoke to me, "Now we're getting somewhere." And I told Him I don't know why I run from love. I don't know why, but I'm ready to stop. I'm ready to yeild to His love. The fact is, love has never been comfortable for me.
I really didn't want to go home yet, but He said, "I'm going with you, so it really doesn't matter - we're still on our date"
When I got home, I started in on this book, Crazy Love by Frances Chan. Oh...My...Goodness. What an awesome book. I love the layout of it, too. It coincides with a website. In the first chapter it said to view this video at www.crazylovebook.com . It's the "Awe Factor" video. Nat, if you get a chance, you HAVE to see it. After I saw it (3 minutes) I again, wept. How could the God of this unbelievable universe love me? But tonight, on my date night with the Creator of the universe, He showed me His love. My night has been priceless. I want more of this.
I'm so excited. This is a new chapter. A new book, actually. Of experiencing His love for me. And receiving it. By the way...I left out a huge part of my evening. When I was sitting in the parking lot at the library and was going through my, "What am I supposed to do?" moments, I looked at my rearview mirror and hanging from it was a notecard that I had recieved just last night and placed on my mirror. It's four lies vs four truths about beliefs. They are from my codpendency class and the first one I read, the only one I read because that's when God started dealing with me, was "I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself" and the truth is "I am deeply loved by God and justified, not by what I have done, but by Christ's finished work on the Cross". And on the way back from Lifeway, I dealt with that...recognized it as sin, whether known or unknown, repented of it, recieved his forgiveness and have spent the rest of the evening replacing it with truth. Something broke. Something in me broke. It's the starting point.
I mentioned a few days ago that I would blog about my date night with Jesus and how he took me to greater depths. Well this is an email I sent to my dear friend, Natalie, about my night. I thought it was easier to copy this then try to remember all the details - because I don't want to leave anything out.
Wow! What an evening. At first I questioned if I should share what my night was like - should I keep it close and not tell you or anyone else? But I sensed my wonderful Creator say, "If you went on a life changing date with the love of your life, would you keep silent about it? No, you'd be calling every one of your friends to tell them about it." So that's why I'm emailing you.
After our lunch, I kept asking over and over, "Lord, what do you want to do tonight?" And it started to get panicky, like...Okay...what are we going to do??? Hmmm???" And I was putting so much pressure on Him to show me or tell me what to do...Again. And what He told me was, "I want you to go home and take a nap." Okay. Now I know that probably sounds more like ME, but I know it was Him.(Cause I was ready to "do"). It was a tender, loving, "I want to take care of you and deal with some things and we can't deal until you're rested." So I laid down and napped for almost two hours. There were a few times during that two hour span that I would wake and say, "Is it time to wake up?" And He would respond, "No, not yet. Rest a little longer". When the time came to wake up, He said, "Let's go watch the sun set." "O...kay....where?" "Just get in your car and let's drive." He took me to Sonic to get my favorite drink...peach tea. We went to the library park and I sat there, drinking my peach tea and being impatient. Okay, God...what now? It was that awkward kind of waiting where I'm just like tapping my fingers and He's just looking at me like, It's okay. Silence is good. (Silence for me has been frustrating).
He finally said, "Okay. Let's go." "Where?" "Just drive".
We drove and I ended up at Lifeway. At first I questioned, again if this was Him or me. Shouldn't I go home and dive into the Word? Shouldn't I go home and clean or do something productive? Oh, me. But we headed to Lifeway, me sipping my tea, listening to love songs on the radio. It was such a sweet drive. I began to feel like I was on a date with the Creator of the Universe. And it was great.
When I walked into Lifway, this book JUMPED out at me. It's entitled "Crazy Love" and in smaller print it read: Overwhelmed by a relentless God. Are you screaming yet?? I picked it up...sifted through the pages and knew this was a Divine appointment for me. So I got it. I also found a book entitled "Because He loves me"...and I got a few more. I splurged. When I left I got in my car and said, "Okay Lord, I'm doing this because I want to spend more time with you. I want to understand how much you love me...but I don't. Why?" And then the tears came. I barely got out of the parking lot and I practically wept all the way home. That deep, throat clenching, raw, cry out to God with everything you've got weeping. Natalie, it was in those moments that He spoke to me, "Now we're getting somewhere." And I told Him I don't know why I run from love. I don't know why, but I'm ready to stop. I'm ready to yeild to His love. The fact is, love has never been comfortable for me.
I really didn't want to go home yet, but He said, "I'm going with you, so it really doesn't matter - we're still on our date"
When I got home, I started in on this book, Crazy Love by Frances Chan. Oh...My...Goodness. What an awesome book. I love the layout of it, too. It coincides with a website. In the first chapter it said to view this video at www.crazylovebook.com . It's the "Awe Factor" video. Nat, if you get a chance, you HAVE to see it. After I saw it (3 minutes) I again, wept. How could the God of this unbelievable universe love me? But tonight, on my date night with the Creator of the universe, He showed me His love. My night has been priceless. I want more of this.
I'm so excited. This is a new chapter. A new book, actually. Of experiencing His love for me. And receiving it. By the way...I left out a huge part of my evening. When I was sitting in the parking lot at the library and was going through my, "What am I supposed to do?" moments, I looked at my rearview mirror and hanging from it was a notecard that I had recieved just last night and placed on my mirror. It's four lies vs four truths about beliefs. They are from my codpendency class and the first one I read, the only one I read because that's when God started dealing with me, was "I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself" and the truth is "I am deeply loved by God and justified, not by what I have done, but by Christ's finished work on the Cross". And on the way back from Lifeway, I dealt with that...recognized it as sin, whether known or unknown, repented of it, recieved his forgiveness and have spent the rest of the evening replacing it with truth. Something broke. Something in me broke. It's the starting point.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
