His Love for Me

Once in a while I am blessed to get to sit down with my dear friend and mentor, Natalie, for lunch. Now when Natalie and I get together, we don't just have a meal...we have a life changing meeting that averages three hours. The longest we've met has been five. And I am usually exhausted, to say the least. I liken this to the scene in the movie "Jerry McGuire" when Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character remarks about a certain sports interviewer always making grown men cry. And at the end of the movie when he's made it big, he's sitting opposite the interviewer, with big tears in his eyes saying, "I told you I wasn't going to cry..." Well, that's how it is with Nat. When I spend time with her, I inevitably end up crying, sometimes tears gushing out of me. And this past week was no different. I sat there thinking, "I'm not going to cry in this mexican restaraunt. I'm not going to." But here came the tears. And it was good.
One of the things that has been a constant issue that shows up when she and I get to discussing is the phrase "orphan spirit". For years and years I have carried around an orphan spirit, and didn't even realize it. I didn't even know what it was or how it was manifested in my life. But God knew and He's been wanting to deal with it for quite some time. An orphan spirit says things like "It's too good to be true." Or "Well, I believe that for YOU, but not for me. My life doesn't work out that way." or "I believe God loves me because the Bible says so, but I don't feel like I truly understand that not only does He love me, but He is PLEASED with me." I'm just being real here. So as Natalie and I conversed and I told her ALL the things that I'm doing now and am involved in, she said to me "What are you running from? Why are you running?" And I had to verbalize what I've been afraid to say for so long. I don't want to stop long enough to DEAL with the fact that I struggle with His love for me. If I keep busy enough, doing, doing, doing for HIM, than we don't have do get around to my issues. Even that evening I was supposed to be somewhere that would be considered a "godly activity". But little did I know that I had a divine appointment set up that night. Natalie looked at me and said, "You don't need to go to that tonight. You need Daddy time." And she was so right. I left her that afternoon and for the next several hours I encountered the God of the Universe...and His love for me. It's rather lengthy, but I plan on writing about it the next few days. All I have to say now, is that I am so grateful for His unending, humbling, awesome love for me and that even when I'm not perfect, He is madly in love with me.