I can't let this day get by without blogging about my precious Heavenly Daddy tonight. Tonight I'm so enamored by how wonderful He is. I was sitting on the back deck looking out over my yard and seeing little flashes of light everywhere and it struck me...Who but Daddy would even THINK about creating a bug that lights up? I mean seriously...and I'm so grateful that he didn't make them dangerous or painful bugs like bees or wasps because then we'd constantly be in a state of fear all around us in the evenings. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks like this, but...He made me this way. And then there's the whole issue of "How does he make those bugs light up?" I mean it's not like electricity is connected to them or they have a built in battery. I'm just so amazed at how creative He is.
Today was such a beautiful day, physically and spiritually. To be able to stand with other believers and worship our Daddy is such an honor and a privilege. He truly takes my breath away.
So whether you have a physical Daddy here or not, remeber today that your Heavenly Daddy is so in love with you. Just enjoy Him this week for who He is.
Happy Father's Day!!

Another Unnamed Hero

I posted a blog yesterday about Vacation Bible School and our theme being heroes without a name. As I was thinking about this coming Sunday, I jumped right back to the theme and had to write about the one Hero in my life who has never changed. My dad.
Some of my fondest memories are traveling with him to see family friends, Lenny and Joy. Dad would take one of us kids on certain outings once in a while and each one of us felt so special when it was our turn. Another time was when our families (Lenny and Joy - again) went to "Worlds of Fun" in Kansas...and Dad and I rode on that big, huge barrel thing that spins, and spins and then the bottom drops out. Know what I mean? I thought I was going to be sucked down and dad grabbed my arm as we held on for dear life. Then there was the Christmas when we had tons of people over and it had snowed outside, and dad was helping me with this really big kids clock - teaching me how to tell time.
But most of my greatest memories were after we moved to Nashville. In the sixth grade I began walking to church with dad on Sunday mornings. We had some great times traveling Pennington Bend. It was early, but it was worth it. And throughout the week, I could drop by and visit at the church office at any moment. One moment was when two boys in my class at school died in a house fire during the night - and I grieved for them. Dad just sat with me and listened and advised, being tender and sensitive.
Then there were the years when I was married...had kids...and finally the divorce. A lot of years went by there. Some laughing hysterically, and others weeping. One time when my spoouse was demanding a divorce and had moved out, my air condition unit had leaked. I couldn't figure out at the time, where it was coming from. Dad came by and found it. It had leaked all over my box of most precious treasures, like years of old pictures, journals, and momentos. At that time I just couldn't take anymore - he and mom started laying out HUNDREDS of pictures all over the house while I wept uncontrollably. Praise God all was salvaged, except just a few. That was rough but even then, I knew I could count on him for anything. And that still applies today.
God has blessed me with the most wonderful dad in the world. He's been my tickler, teacher, worship leader, hand holder, driver, cheerleader, encourager, listener, advisor, handyman, gardener, mentor, and friend. He's always been the same in front of people or at home. And he's been a physical picture of what my Heavenly Daddy looks like.
So for Father's Day and every other day of the year, I just wanted to let everyone know what a true Hero looks like. He might not go down in history books or have lots of acalades. He might not have a Super Hero name, or wear a cape. But to me he's the greatest Dad in the world. I am blessed.

So, summer is officially here...well, I guess not OFFICIALLY officially, but it FEELS like summer. When it's getting up to 94 degrees out - it's summer. We just finished a week at VBS, Hero Headquarters. I was at our new campus, Stewarts Creek, this year (I've always been at the main campus) and so it was a new experience. As usual, we had our typical over zealous kids in each group, but for the most part it was pretty good. The whole week was geared toward unnamed heroes in the Bible...the boy who brought the fish and loaves, the girl that told Naaman about the prophet who could heal him, and today's lesson was about Paul and his nephew.
As one of my closest friends and I discussed just this week...if anyone in Christian history had a right to complain it would have been Paul. He was put in jail, shipwrecked, beaten, bitten by a snake...and those are the stories that were written about in the Bible. Who knows what else he endured? But we don't see him complaining or giving up.
I'm going to be real here. Recently I've found it difficult to write because I've been complaining. Don't get me wrong, it's been a "holy" complaint - if you will, but nonetheless it's been complaining. I've been struggling with decisions made by friends that I felt saw eye to eye with me on HUGE, serious, spiritual issues. I thought we were compatible and in agreement completely. But we're not. And that really stinks.
A few weeks ago I had to confront my friend - hopefully I did it in love - about some sin issues. It wasn't received the way I had hoped, with complete acceptance as truth. And I've talked about this and talked about this with my Daddy, wanting to know WHY my dear friend is being deceived. And I realized how He must feel.
If every true believer would get angry and hostile toward the enemy who is trying to steal, kill, and destroy...this world would be turned around. But too often we're busy flirting with the enemy. We'd rather blame God for the things the enemy does in our lives than to see the devil for what he really is - a deceiver. A rotten, ugly, vicious, hateful, destroying, malicious, horrific deceiver.
When are we all going to begin to fight back? Fight for marriages and family? For purity and innocence? For what's RIGHT according to the Word of God...and seeing it as right, not as an "option" for christian living? I seriously believe some of the greatest weapons of mass destruction in believer's lives are apathy and lethargy.
There is darkness all around us, and it shows itself in the form of smiling faces that are fighting holiness. If we're called to be a peculiar people, which we ARE, than our lives should show it in the everyday decisions we come against. We have the power of the Living God at our disposal, but we often times forget that, or simply don't believe it. But it's the TRUTH. Paul knew that. And that's what kept him going, not giving up. He was sold out.
So I'm going to try to complain less and pray more, believing that the seed is planted and that the Great Gardener will produce fruit. I'm going to try to remember that there is an enemy out there knowing he has little time left to do much destruction. And I'm going to continue to fight for truth and spiritual freedom in lives all around me.
Maybe the kids weren't the only ones that learned something from Hero Headquarters this week.

Well, it's been a little while since I've written last. I guess you could say I've taken a sabbatical - done a little "soul searching". I've been going through some more difficult times, but trusting that the God who has seen me through SO much will see me through all this junk.
Today was extremely disheartening because one of the classes I needed in order to get my certification was cancelled. I didn't find this out until I had waited for about thirty minutes for my instructor to show...and she didn't. There was one other student waiting with me and she finally checked her registration info to find out our class had been cancelled. Talk about frustrating. This has such a trickle down effect. You might think - Just take another class, or wait until it comes back around. The frustrating part is, I have to have two classes in order to qualify for my financial aid. So if I don't get another class, I have to either drop the one class I started last week OR I'll have to pay out of pocket - which really is not an option for me. I came home and immediately started looking for another class, which brings me to my next issue. I can't find anything that is conducive to my work schedule and if by chance I did, they're all closed by now.
SO...after bawling my eyes out on the way home, I decided to expose every raw emotion I had to my Heavenly Daddy. I love that He is not intimidated or threatened by my cries of frustration. He can handle me bawling, squalling, and blaming.
My pastor preached an awesome sermon (as usual) last Sunday about a woman whose son had died and left her with no one to take care of her. She was already a widow. He pointed out that Jesus walked a whole days journey just to heal her son. He went out of his way to do this because He cared. I'm also reminded of the time that Jesus went to heal the demon-possessed man that lived in the grave yard. Again...he went just for him. It's not like he was going to spend time in the grave yard, himself. These are two stories that show the compassion of our Jesus and how much he cares for us. You see, I'd always figured these stores happened on his way to somewhere important. But I'm seeing that these were places out of the way, places he intentionally went because he had a Divine appointment with these people. And I'm reminded that He cares about these details that seem to shake my plans. He isn't caught off guard and He knows what He's doing.
One phrase I try to live by is extremely simple to say, but hard to implement. But it's something that I strive to think fluently. And it is: I can't. God can. I think I'll let Him.
So when I can't figure out what my plans for school are, God can...I think I'll let him. When I struggle with letting people around me make stupid, selfish, or down right wrong decisions, I have to remember: I can't fix things for any of them. God can. I think I'll let Him. When I see other friends and family hurting financially and experiencing terrifying situations...I can't fix things...God can, though. I think I'll let Him.
The truth is He's been doing this a LONG time...He knows what He's doing. And I just have to trust that He's capable of taking care of EVERY detail of life. After all, I can't, God can...I think I'll let Him.

Invasion of Locusts

I was reading from the book of Joel today. That's a book that is highly underrated. It's conspicuously tucked away somewhere in the collection of Old Testament books after Isaiah. You know, the books that very few of us tend to spend time in because we can't figure out how in the world pomegranate trees and plowshares fit into our society. I'm still not even sure I totally "get" it. There's some deep stuff that you have to go fishing for, but I believe when I finally do figure it out, or more like when God reveals some things, it will be very eye opening. I started on the first chapter and read about the locust and how they devour, and devour, and devour. It states in verse 4, "What the locust swarm has left the great locusts have eaten; what the great locusts have left the young locusts have eaten; what the young locusts have left other locusts have eaten." I didn't even realize there was more than one form of locust!
From there until the end of the chapter it discusses the response of many. The drunkard's response, the virgin's response, the priest's response, the farmer's response, even the wild animal's response. And interestingly enough...it's all the same. These are very different types of beings or backgrounds, but they are all encouraged or actually commanded to grieve...to mourn. Every life in this passage has been devoured, destroyed, or desecrated. Each "grouping" has been ransacked, pummeled, ruined. But Joel's response and admonition to them is the same...grieve, mourn. In essence, be real.
I have always thought it was interesting and, truthfully, disheartening that when people experience extreme pain or hurt, our culture encourages them to suck it up and not let anyone know they are drowning. This is especially sad in our churches. There are so many women, in particular, who are ashamed or embarrassed by the issue of being caught in a struggling or abandoned marriage that they refuse to let their guard down and be real. I think a lot of it has to do with feelings of rejection - you've been rejected by the one person who was supposed to stand by your side til death do you part, and now you just about can't stand being rejected by a group of people who don't always know how to respond to a situation like that. I think another reason women are afraid to be real is they are afraid of losing control of all feelings, either through rage or possibly opening a dam of tears that might never stop. We feel we must hold it all together because if we don't, who will?
That's why Joel's words to me are so refreshing. Five, six, seven years ago, I might not have understood this text, but now I see it in a whole new light. Joel is encouraging people to be real. He's saying, "Look what the enemy has stolen from you. He's eaten away one thing after another...and what was left, he has eaten that, and even still after that he's destroyed more. And the proper response is to grieve this loss." Allow yourself to feel the pain and grief as opposed to putting on a happy face and going on like nothing ever happened.
I realize there is a balance in this whole process, too. Yes, we need to grieve, but we also need to survive. That's why in an an earlier post I encouraged women to set boundaries on their grieving moments, so they don't get consumed with it. But what I'm getting at is allow yourself to feel your emotions, whether they are hurt, anger, fear, confusion...but turn it over to the Lord. In Joel, not only does he encourage us to grieve, but He adds to that to "cry out to the Lord". He's ultimately the ONE who can turn our chaos into peace. God is not intimidated by our emotions - He created them. He just wants us to not be afraid to experience them, and to yield them to Him. He wants us to be real. So whatever you're facing right now, don't underestimate the process of true grief. Be real with yourself and with your Creator. That's when true healing will begin to take place.

God and pencils

A few months ago, while on the way to school (and rushed as usual), my son, Kailen, went into a panic because he forgot a pencil. He's quite the studious little guy that always tries to do his best and takes school very seriously. So this was a big deal. I said, "Kailen, let's ask Daddy for a pencil today." Right then in the car line, he and his sister, Dani, and I thanked Jesus for somehow providing a pencil for Kailen that day. After saying Amen, I told Kailen to be aware of the way that Jesus would provide a pencil for him - whether finding one on the ground, or a friend giving him one, or ??? who knows? I just encouraged him to be aware of how our Father would provide and then for him to say "Thank you" when He did.
That night at bedtime, I asked Kailen how Daddy provided a pencil for him. He said with excitement, "Today my teacher was giving out pencils!!" I said, "See? He knew you needed one and He had that pencil just for you!"
Fast forward several months and the same scenario came up again, today. This morning we're headed down the road toward school when Kailen gave out an exasperated sigh. I asked him what was wrong only to discover he didn't have a pencil. I could sense the panic in his voice but before I could answer, Dani said triumphantly, "Hold on! Dani to the rescue! I have.....(fumbles through her purse and pulls out...)a PENCIL! It's a little short, and hot pink with no eraser, but it's a pencil..." and with that she handed him this stubby bright pink pencil - an absolute nightmare for a nine year old boy. I quickly glanced at him to see his priceless expression of "You have GOT to be kidding me!" Then the panic struck in again - a whole new one of "I can't be seen with a PINK pencil! Are you KIDDING me?!?" So I tried to smooth things over by frantically searching my side car door pocket area. I had just cleaned out my car last week and knew there were a few pens in there, but I didn't recall seeing any pencils. But as I glanced down, I noticed something that appeared to be just that...a pencil. I reached my hand down and pulled out the best looking pencil you can imagine. It was sharpened to the sharpest point with a beautiful, never used eraser on the end. But the best part? It was blue and said, "Smile, Jesus loves you". I quickly handed it to him and said, "Look at what Daddy provided for you today. He did that especially for you because He wanted you to know that He loves you! It wasn't by chance that you forgot a pencil today. He wanted you to get THIS pencil!" You should have seen the look on Kailen's face! It was like he had just received the keys to the kingdom!
As I was thinking about that, I wondered how many times Daddy speaks to us and we seem to not even notice. I have had so many incredible stories happen to me in the past two years that simply take my breath away and leave other people saying, "How does this happen to you? You have the oddest, strangest God experiences." The truth is, we all do. I don't believe there is a day that goes by that our Daddy isn't trying to speak to us in some way, conventional or otherwise. Often times we choose to believe it's happenstance or purely coincidental. But I challenge you to open your eyes a little wider and notice how He lavishes you and how He speaks to you. Even in heartache, He's there. He just wants us to lift our eyes above our circumstance because He's got everything under control. He sees every tear that falls, He hears every unkind word that's been spoken, and He cares deeply when we've been hurt or experienced pain. So when life seems to get a little too unbearable, I encourage you to look for the ways in which He tells you how much you are loved. It may be in someone calling you or sending a note, but it may be in some quirky, strange, untypical way...like a pencil.

Time to Breathe

Finals are over...I'm finished with the first semester back at school! YEEEE HAWWWW!!! I feel great, even though my last test was hardly impressive, but that's okay. It's nice knowing that I accomplished two more classes and have them neatly tucked underneath my educational belt. There were so many things I was invited to this evening...things that I needed to do and things that I wanted to do. But when I finished my final assignment, I just laid back on the couch and breathed.

Do you ever feel like you just need to take a breather? From life in general? These last several months have been challenging, to say the least. So many different emotions I experienced were excitement, panic, fear, exhilleration, exhuastion, overwhelm-ment (I made that word up), peace, anger, and relief. Sometimes all in the same day...(smiley face) And now there's quiet. The kids are with their dad, the final assignments are turned in, the television is off, and the air condition is gently blowing. And it's time to breathe.

One of my favorite lines that I've read and I can't remember who said it, (so if you recognize it...please post it) is "The problem with life is that it's just so daily".
What a great line. It says so much in so few words. How much of life is going by without stopping and taking a moment to breathe in? I think in our society we completely underestimate the power of just sitting. Just listening to the quiet around us. It's beautiful when you have a moment to indulge and sit.

I know many of my dear friends are not at a place mentally or emotionally where they feel they can breathe. They are enduring all those emotions I wrote about a paragraph ago. And my heart hurts for them, but it also smiles for them, because I know they will one day experience the stillness around them and it won't be terrifying or heart wrenching. They will relish in it and Thank God for it. It's one of those things that if you let it pass by it won't go TOO unnoticed, but if you take the time to enjoy it...it's priceless.

So as you read this post, I hope that you'll take advantage of your life and grab a few uninterupted moments...even if you have to schedule them in. Don't underestimate the ability to breathe...to rest...to enjoy. His mercies are new every morning, and each day He breathes new life into us...the least we can do is breathe it, too.